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"Ogh... What the hell happened?" Jimmy Olsen said, rubbing his temples. "...Shit, I better not have gotten superpowers again. That never turns out well for me."
He tested, and found no new abilities beyond his normal human ones. Satisfied, he tried to remember what happened. The last thing he remembered was a bright flash of light as he attended the celebration of the merger of the Avengers and Justice League
into one team, and Mxyzptlk laughing.
He looked around, seeing that he was back in his apartment. He spotted his laptop and went to it, moving the mouse to clear the screensaver, ready to find out what the hell was going on.
Needless to say, he was a little surprised to see the website left up on it.
"SUPER-HOOKERS.COM! Where YOU can purchase a night with your favorite superheroine for some erotic fun!" the logo and title at the top read.
"...What the fuck?" Jimmy Olsen said.
He scrolled down, and his breath caught in his throat. On it were profiles of two of the most beautiful women he'd ever seen, clad in form-fitting versions of familiar costumes. They weren't modified to be slutty, but the bodies in the outfits made the
outfits sexy. And to his shock, he knew one of the women listed in the shown profiles, just under a link that let to something called a 'Global Freebie List.'
Real Name: Lo-El
Alias: Lois Lane-Kent
Powers: [Click here for full listing]
Favored Sexual Acts (beyond standard vaginal sex): Anal, Doggy-style
Will Not Do: Scat, watersports, pedophilia
Personal Freebie List: Clark Kent (husband)
History: [Click here for full details]
Name: Captain America
Real Name: Sharon Carter
Race: Human (baseline)
Powers: [Click here for full listing]
Favored Sexual Acts (beyond standard vaginal sex): Oral, Paizuri
Will Not Do: Scat, watersports, pedophilia, anything that glorifies Nazis in any way
Personal Freebie List: Steven Rogers (boyfriend)
History: [Click here for full details]
Jimmy stared at the two absurdly busty women, one of whom was his friend Lois.
"What the FUCK?!" he said after a long moment, confused and aroused. He decided to check out the site further. He clicked the History link, finding a picture of a woman in Spider-Man's costume cuddling an intimidating but sexy woman in Batman's costume.
The History link read as follows:
"Super-Hookers: Those amazing women with powers beyond imagination or brave women who've taken up the cause of justice. With superpowered females being in the vast majority over the ten male heroes and handful of male villains, it was only natural that
the superpowered need for sex should come into the limelight. With the aid of philanthropists like Tony Stark and Bruce Wayne helping get laws passed to make prostitution legal, these heroes and reformed villains were able to ply their sexual craft at the
oldest trade without fear. Now these beauties share their bodies willingly with those who can pay, loving on their backs with their legs spread and standing tall to save the world from evil, protecting the world from criminals and villainesses who don't understand
that sex can be consensual."
There were more details below that summary, including an explanation that all of the 'super-hookers' had a genetic condition where they NEEDED sex, but Jimmy barely noticed. "Legalized prostitution, and they're all costumed heroines...?"
He quickly went back to the LARGE listing of these 'super-hookers.' Each entry listed code names, real names, sex things they liked, and a little bit of history. Every superheroine he had ever heard of was on this list as a hooker, with some reformed
villainesses as well. And in a great number of cases, a male hero had been replaced with a female counterpart or just didn't exist at all. Spider-Man had been replaced by Gwen Stacy, calling herself Spider-Lady. Batman was replaced by Batwoman, Barbara
Gordon. The current Robin was Stephanie Brown. Harleen Quinzel had taken up the role of a much friendlier Joker, with no Harley Quinn equivalent. Mary Marvel was now the only member of the Marvel family as Captain Marvel. Jimmy even saw prominent government
officials, such as Maria Hill, selling their services as super-hookers, and alien rulers such as Lilandra of the Shi'ar! And to make matters even weirder, there were a handful of cases of a male hero being directly gender-shifted to female, such as Thor and
Jimmy rubbed his temples. This was... it was at once incredibly hot and REALLY disturbing. What had happened? What was that flash of light? Had he been transported to another, really sexy world?
He stared at the website, as if it would give him answers. Two links caught his attention, a 'Global Freebie' list and a 'Refused All Service' list. Jimmy hesitated. He clicked on the 'Refused All Service' list, finding a picture of a penis with a large
block on it.
Jimmy snickered at the pun. "Cockblocking," he said. "Well, that pretty much sums up this page." There was a short summary, of course, Jimmy reading it aloud. "The following names on this list are refused any and all sexual services by all registered
super-hookers. No amount of money, begging, or bribery will get us to spread our legs for you. We sluts DO have standards, y'know."
The list included several politicians, and a woman named Superia, who was listed as the leader of a rape-gang of villainesses known as the Mistresses of Evil. Also on the lists was Baron Zemo. Each name on the list had a reason listed for why they were
denied service. Most of the reasons were Rapist, Misogynist, Racist, or Irredeemable. Superia's reason listed was Irredeemable.
Jimmy shook his head. "Well, nice to know that even in Whore World that there are limits..." he said. Curiosity overcame him, and he clicked on the 'Global Freebie' list link.
On it was a picture of Power Girl baring her breasts, a cute, shy look on her face complete with blush. The summary at the top of the page said, "These wonderful people have earned the universal respect of all every registered Super-Hooker on the planet
and beyond it. As such, we've decided to reward them for their nobility by making sure that they get free sexual service for life. For these heroic souls, any super-hooker will let themselves be groped in public and spread their legs for him or her for free,
wherever, whenever, and HOWEVER they want."
There were no women on this list. But the names that were on it... Jimmy could only shake his head in amazement.
The top three on the list were Nick Fury, Tony Stark, and Bruce Wayne. They had histories listed with them as well, but in greater detail. Jimmy looked down the list, shaking his head. Rick Jones, Deadpool, Hercules, James L. Howlett, James 'Oracle'
Gordon, Perry White, J. Jonah Jameson, Dick Grayson, Peter Parker, and about twenty others, all of whom had apparently earned free sex for life. Doctor Doom and Lex Luthor, along with the openly perverse Lobo, were on the list as well, which was surprising.
But apparently the two villains had legitimately earned their way on with a major act of heroism. The history tagged mentioned that they were reluctant to add them, but felt they had to do it to repay them for stopping the universe's destruction. Lobo's
reason for being on the list, however, made perfect sense - they didn't want him rampaging around looking for a fight. And giving him free sex kept him on a 'leash' so he didn't cause damage with his Superwoman-level strength. Jimmy chuckled.
Jimmy blinked, and looked again.
His own name was on the list.
His own name was on the list of lucky stiffs who got to fuck every costumed beauty selling their services as an honest super-hooker for free for life.
"Oh my God," Jimmy said, running a hand through his short red hair. A grin came to his face as the implications sank in. But still, this was really weird. How'd he end up in a world like this, anyway?
He stared at the website. There were more links to click, including a list of profiles, a link to something called the 'Charles Xavier Memorial School for Whore-oine Training,' and a page with preview pics and videos. He debated trying to learn more about
this world. Or he could go out and take advantage of his eternal freebies... His 'man' instincts were conflicting with his 'reporter' instincts...
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