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“Wait wait wait,” Shepard said as everyone began to leave. He rubbed his head, sighing. "I'm not going back on what I agreed to," he said. "It's just that this is a lot to take in at once. Before we head out, I want an assurance that you'll do what
you say you will."
The Alamandan avatar nodded. "Seems fair. Which promise would you like us to keep first?"
Shepard pointed to Joker. "Heal Joker first. Cure his brittle bone disease, and then we'll know for sure that you're legit."
Joker blinked, grinning. "Commander?"
Shepard smiled at him. "You've done so much for the Normandy over the years, Joker, you deserve a chance to have some happiness."
Joker blushed, rubbing the back of his head.
The Alamandan nodded. "I can do that," it said. "Even through this avatar." It held up a hand, which radiated with light briefly before a small vial appeared in the avatar's hand.
"Take this and give it to your friend," the avatar said. Shepard frowned, and hesitantly picked up the vial, giving it to Joker.
Joker frowned at the black liquid inside of the vial. "...There aren't any side effects, are there?"
The avatar grinned sheepishly. "Well... It tastes horrid. That's the only thing. We tried giving it a better flavor, but that reduced the effectiveness of the cure."
"...And you tested this... how?" Joker asked.
"On ourselves. Our race can mimic the physical conditions and form of anyone we've taken an interest in, and we used that to test all our cures," the avatar said.
Joker frowned, looking at the vial, and shook his head. "Bah. I didn't get where I am by being a coward. Bottoms up," he said, toasting the crew and swigging it down. He immediately gagged. EDI went to check on him.
“Jeff, are you all right?” she asked, sounding more frantic than she wished.
Joker nodded, coughing. “Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. That just... yeah, horrid's too nice a word for this crap...”
“How do you feel?” the avatar asked.
Joker coughed, and held his chest. “A little tingly. Does that mean it's working?”
“That means it's done,” the avatar said, smiling. “If one of the krogan will strike Joker, please?”
“What, wait a moment,” Joker said, Grunt casually striding over and decking him.
“WHAT THE FUCK!?” Shepard demanded, glaring at the avatar.
Grunt snorted. “Please. That was a love tap to a Krogan,” he said.
Wrex nodded in agreement. “He was definitely pulling his punch,” he said.
“A love tap to a Krogan still hurts to a human!” Joker said, rubbing his jaw. Which wasn't broken. “...Oh my God, my jaw's not broken!”
Mordin and Liara immediately went over to check on him, Liara pulling out a medical scanner. “He's right,” she said, marveling.
“Hnh. Not even a fracture. Will be a nasty bruise, but brittle bone disease appears completely cured,” Mordin said as he examined Joker, drawing in a breath. “Fascinating.”
EDI glared at Grunt. “See if I agree to do any scenes with you,” she said, hugging Joker, who was still marveling that his bones hadn't shattered. Grunt just chuckled.
“It worked...” Shepard said softly.
“We keep our promises,” the avatar said. “We can have enough cure for everyone on the planet within the week, as well as variants for anyone of any race that has a similar disease.”
Miranda brought a hand to her belly. If they could cure Joker's condition, they could make her fertile again...
Jack looked over at Miranda, frowning. She had never really thought that there would be anything that could make her feel sorry for the ex-Cerberus Cheerleader. But finding out she couldn't have kids...
Tali brought her hands to her facemask, it finally sinking in that she'd be free of the suit, that she could touch, that she could feel... a blush creeped into her face as she realized that Shepard would also be doing the touching and feeling and Keelah
it was hot in here all of a sudden...
Shepard nodded, more confident about agreeing to this. “We're on our way,” he said.
“Other avatars will meet you on the ship to make the necessary adjustments,” the avatar said, vanishing.
Shepard stared at the place where it was for a long moment. He shook his head, and said, “All right. Normandy, let's get ready to move out. Ash, find some people to fill in the missing spots in our crew. Everyone else, let's get our supplies together and
head for the Alamandan homeworld. We got us a porno to make.”
He paused, and then shook his head, unable to believe he actually said that with a straight face.
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