Stepping through the front door of his shared home Peter Parker kicked off his shoes and collapsed on the couch with a huff, dropping his bag on the floor by his feet, sniffing the air he could smell Aunt May getting dinner ready, that is until he heard the voice from the kitchen.
“Hello Peter, dinner should be ready soon.”
“That wasn’t Aunt May.” Muttered the man darting up from his seat, getting up and wandering over to the kitchen the woman he found certainly WASN’T May at all! Leaning back up from the oven wearing tight jeans and a halter top and oven mitts the woman standing with a roast chicken in her hands was a third Aunt May’s age, with bright green eyes and a ruby red smile framed with flowing red hair half way down her back this woman looked more like a runway model on her off hours! “You would not believe the day I’ve had Peter, and all of it was thanks to this lovely tonic I bought off of the television.” Raising the bottle of X-Hot-Ic up for Peter to see May set the plates and sat down at her end of the table, the smile never leaving her lips as she watched her nephew read the blue bottle she passed to him.
“Aunt… May?”
Rolling her eyes the gorgeous woman gestured for Peter to sit and eat while she explained her day. Even bringing up her escapade with the security guard at the mall and causing Pete to spit out his forkful of chicken. “Aunt May, how could you? He was a complete stranger, wha- what about Uncle Ben?”
Giggling behind her hand at her nephew’s embarrassment May Parker waved him off before going back to her dinner. “Did I ever tell you how Ben and I met Peter? I used to be a waitress at a cafe and he ordered me a smoothie with two straws... Oh to think of all the fun we had at that table, heck he bent me over THIS table plenty of times!"
Dropping his fork on his plate in shock and slowing nudging his meal away Peter instantly lost his appetite, a slight eye twitch forming as he tried desperately to get the mental image out of his head. "So... (Cough) Aunt May... What will you be doing with your new lease on life?"
"Oh Peter I had the most wonderful idea; if you look this good why not flaunt it? I called up one of Mary Jane's agents an hour ago, can you believe it he wants to interview me."
"MJ's AGENT? You’re getting a modelling job with my WIFE?!" Gripping the table he looked back at the blue bottle of X-Hot-Ic and gulped. "What if he figures out you're... You know..."
Waving her nephew off again with a snort May took another bite of her chicken dinner. "Oh he won't have much to argue about, men are so easily wrapped around my finger these days... And my legs..."
With another mental image stuck in his head Peter excused himself from the table as he wondered if he should sleep off the rest of the day or throw up in the bathroom.