Saints... in... Space!

by Anarchy
Storyline When the Saints come marching in
Previous Chapter This is the starting chapter

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The Earth was gone. The planet had not fallen because of the faults of man but because of the actions of the Zin, an alien race that traveled the galaxy, collecting the brightest and best of worlds and placing them in virtual simulations. These simulations ran from the beautiful and wonderful to the dark and horrifying; it all depended on Zinyak, leader of the Zin, and his mood. Sometimes he wished to reward those that aided him in his victories. Other times he wished to break the minds of his prisoners. And sometimes he just found the simulations funny.


Humans were either killed in the blast or captured by the Zin. Only a group of 10 humans had managed to survive, escaping in a Zin spaceship. Who were these brave men and women? Were the noble? Were they heroes? Were they the most pure souls the Earth had?


No. They were the 3rd Row Saints.


Some thought of them as a street gang. Others as cultural icons. Due to the actions of some they had become known as the Leaders of the Free Wold. To their enemies they were violent psychopaths. To their fans merry mischief makers.


But if one were to ask their leader, the one known as Boss to the Saints and as 'Mr. President' to the American Public, they were merely puckish rogues.


Whatever they might be, they were humanity's last hope. Already the Boss had freed his gang (or her gang... it really depended on what gender the boss wanted to be at that point) from Zinyak and was plotting his next move. Little did he realize that a solution to their problems waited in the very simulation Zinyak used. Soon, the Boss would assemble a new crew, made up of the most powerful heroes in the world... all of whom had been altered to see the Saints' way of life as the best.


But, I am getting ahead of myself. Our story begins where all stories must begin: with a poker game.



"I'll take two," Johnny Gat said, laying two cards on the table. The cocky and confident Second-in-Command of the Saints adjusted his glasses as he looked over his cards. "You sure you don't want in, Keith?"


Keith David, voice actor, Vice President, and NOT in any way like Johnny's former boss Julius, merely continued to look through his Playboy. "I'm good."


"You know, I have read up on a variation to this game," Cid said. Cid wasn't like the rest of the Saints; he was a mind that had been placed in a Zin control sphere. He'd joined the Saints to take revenge on Zinyak for trapping him in the simulation. "According to the files, the participant who fails to achieve victory with their cards must remove one of their garments."


"We're not playing strip poker," Shaundi, one of the Boss' oldest allies, said.


"I don't know," Johnny said with a smirk, "I know I'm not scared to show off my bod-OW!" He shielded himself as Shaundi began to hit him.


"If we hadn't just gotten you back after thinking you were dead I'd murder you!" Shaundi shouted.


"Wait a minute," the Boss (who may or may not have sounded like Nolan North) said, turning to Cid. "How do you know about Strip Poker?"


"Zinyak gathered much information about Earth and its culture. I was able to look through the files."


"Zinyak had files on strip poker?" Shaundi asked.


"Indeed. Of course, he only had a little bit about this game. He seemed to be more interested in your modern mythos as told through colored images."


"...what?" the Boss said.


"Comic books," Keith stated.


"Yes, the books of comics," Cid said. "He seems to have spent much time and many of his resources recreating the worlds and characters of two worlds in particular. According to the data, they are refereed to as the 'DC Universe' and the 'Marvel Universe'. Zinyak spent nearly as much time creating them as he did creating your Steelport."


The Boss leaned forward, jabbing his finger against the table. "You're telling me there are other simulations out there... ones were Superman and Wolverine and Booster Gold and Spider-Man are running around?"


"Indeed," Cid said.


"Booster Gold?" Johnny asked.


"Don't insult Booster," the Boss warned before pushing away from the table. "KINZIE!"



"Boss, this is a terrible idea," Kinzie said. A former tech for the FBI, Kinzie had joined the Saints and never looked back.


"I think it is a brilliant idea," Matt Miller, one of the Saints' former enemies turned member, said. "I should have realized when Zinyak took control of my Nyteblade scenario-"


"Fan fic, call it what it is," Kinzie complained.


"-that he was a fan of pop culture."


"I'd debate that," Pierce Washington, the spokesman for the Saints, complained. "He totally ruined my favorite song with his singing."


"And he'll pay for that, Pierce," the Boss aid as he prepared to enter the Simulation tube. "And this is a great plan. We've been trying to figure out ways to take down Zinyak and this is a golden opportunity. Playing in Steelport means we are only able to deal with people we know... and most of them were people we killed and thus ones we can't trust to give superpowers too." The Saints had discovered that by hacking into the Simulation, they could give themselves superpowers and had taken great advantage of that. The Boss was the strongest of them, possessing super speed, strength, jumping abilities, fire blasts, ice blasts, and psychic powers. It had made the battles in the simulation against standard goons rather easy. "But there are entire communities of superbeings waiting out there that can help us take down Zinyak!"


Kinzie shook her head. "Ok, assuming that this isn't all a trap... how do you plan on convincing them to join our side? Last I checked, Batman didn't condone killing your enemies."


"She has a point," Benjamin King, former leader of the Vice Kings and now member of the Saints, pointed out. "You're likely to end up having to fight them."


Johnny laughed, patting the Boss on the back. "Don't worry... I've seen what the Boss can do and he'll be able to hold his own."


"Besides," Matt said, moving to a keyboard and typing in some commands, "I think I might have a solution to that. Have any of you read the erotic fanfictions about the Master PC?"


"Of course not!" Pierce said a bit too quickly.


Matt just gave him a withering glare. "I think I have created something similar." He turned to the Boss. "I am going to send you some goodies that will allow you to alter the heroes and villains of the simulations. It will have them see things... well, from your point of view."


"In other words, he'll be able to turn them in hedonistic psychopaths," Osha, MI6 member and newest Saints' member, said dryly.


"She says that likes it a bad thing," Johnny stated.


"So what... the Boss will be able to walk up to She-Hulk and be able to make her...what?"


"To put it simply, he'll be able to rewrite her mind so that she is more agreeable to our actions and views. She, or any other hero, will become the perfect candidates to join the 3rd Row Saints."


"Can I give them bigger tits?" the Boss asked. When the others looked at him he shrugged. "What, that seems rather important!"


"I will see what I can do," Matt said.


Kinzie shook her head, turning away for the Boss. "I can't believe you are all encouraging him! For all we know this is a trap created by Zinyak and even if it isn't, you know the Boss is going to spend half the time there having sex with as many of the superheros and villains as he can and he already went into the simulation, didn't he?"


"He entered exactly 1.2 seconds after you turned your back," Cid said.


"Of course he did."

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jollyroger57 - 1/7/2019 6:33 AM
Well I guess he already abandoned this site.
colleem - 1/7/2019 2:02 AM
Haven't seen or heard from him in a very. Long time. So I guess no
Bobpsy5 - 1/7/2019 12:23 AM
Quick question is the site owner still active in the community
Master_Kind - 1/5/2019 6:33 PM
I'm about a season and a half behind on all my CW superhero shows but couldn't resist chipping in a bit. Hoping to see some breast expansion ;)
rubicon - 12/30/2018 4:24 PM
Hey, MJ's already admitted to being a potential 2... she doesn't need much more to be 'useful' in that regard... :)
Master_Kind - 12/30/2018 4:09 PM
Fantastic new additions, Rubicon. I'd love to see Ova "help" by increasing MJ and Gwen's Kinsey ratings to ensure they can resurrect women who aren't into men. :)
rubicon - 12/30/2018 11:56 AM
I am! I added the discord yesterday. :) And thanks!
colleem - 12/30/2018 2:14 AM
Awesome chapters Rubicon. Absolutely awesome. Are you on discard?
Evva - 12/14/2018 8:08 AM
Just to remember https://discord.gg/R4dWYDv it is our discord server address
chinky_natasha - 12/12/2018 7:11 PM
well... joined discord..

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