Jeff Moreau (known as Joker to his friend), pilot of the SSV Normandy, wasn't one to muse on the problems of his life. He had brittle bone disease, which made walking difficult and made it very easy for his bones to break. Which
meant physical romance was a definite nono. And there was the distinct possibility that his family had died on their space colony thanks to the Reapers and their Husk soldiers.
But he'd pull through. He had a job to do, and he was damn good at it. He was a pilot, one who could make a very solid argument about being one of, if not THE best pilot the Alliance ever had. And while sex was impossible for him,
he had developed a romance (of sorts) with EDI, the artificial intelligence that helped run the ship. She had taken over a body of a very well-built android and could now operate independently of the ship, accompanying Commander Shepard on missions. It wasn't
much, but they both loved the Normandy and Commander Shepard, so he'd take it.
He sighed, musing on relationships, shaking his head in mild amusement that his relationship with the robot girl was one of the two most stable. (The other stable relationship involved Wrex and the female Krogan Eve... or Bakara,
whatever she wanted to be called now. He couldn't begrudge the two Krogan their happiness, ever since Mordin gave his life to cure the Genophage plague that was crippling his people's reproductive capacity.) Garrus and Tali had dated for a while, but the adorable
Quarian had broken up with Garrus after a mission went bad. They remained friends, though, despite the fact that they weren't in love anymore. And as for Commander Shepard...
Thane's funeral had been quite lovely. And to her credit, Shepard had managed to keep herself from breaking up crying until there was nowhere there to see it except for Joker and Garrus, both of them silently agreeing to let their
beloved Commander's grief remain a private thing.
Recently, the Normandy crew had scored a major victory against both the Reapers, who were trying to Harvest the galaxy of all sentient life, and against Cerberus, who were stupidly trying to control the Reapers for their own ends.
Both groups had been forced to retreat, giving the galaxy time to recover, heal, and reload. And at Jeff's insistence, the crew was using the time to have some R&R on Omega.
When Jeff woke up that day, he found himself with a rather pleasant surprise. He accidentally rolled out of bed, landing hard on his shoulder. To his delight, though, instead of breaking, all that happened was that he was a little
sore.
"The hell...?" Joker said, rubbing his shoulder and grinning widely. He then noticed that there was a note, an actual paper note (very rare these days), attached to his chest via sticky tape (also rare). Picking it off and looking
at it, he read it allowed. "Firstly, your brittle bone disease is now cured forever. Enjoy! Plus, for the duration of this one month Christmas vacation the Normandy is taking, you're going to have lots of fun with the female members of the crew, plus Aria
and Nyreen. Just remember to bet on Clarlaran. You've been a VERY good boy this year! Yours, SC."
The note dissolved into snowflakes, and Joker had a brief vision of a jolly fat man in a bright red suit. "No way..." he thought. He had never believed in Santa Claus, the old rumor making its way out to his colony home. But now...
He shook his head, and started for the door, grinning at how easy walking felt now. He actually stopped and did a little dance, laughing. "Okay, so maybe there is a Santa Claus."
The door opened, revealing EDI. The silver-skinned AI had blossomed out, her robot body now much curvier than before, her ass now imminently squeezable looking, her breasts larger than her head. She quirked an eyebrow in curiosity.
"Judging by the fact that you are dancing," she said, “you too have experienced alterations.”
Joker blinked. “EDI, are you okay?” he asked, both turned on and confused.
EDI nodded. “Diagnostics reveal no signs of reprogramming, although my physical form seems to have become more suited to sexual intercourse. This body was already fully compatible for sexual acts, however its functionality along
those lines seems to have improved. The other female members of the crew have undergone similar transformations as eye.”
Joker blushed brightly, feeling himself get VERY hard as he imagined that.
EDI scratched her chin thoughtfully, a gesture she remembered as being a sign of shyness, which fit how she felt right now. “...Truthfully,” she said, “once I realized what these physical upgrades were for, I wondered if you had
received physical improvements as well. My affection for you has grown these past few months, and since getting a body I've... been curious...”
Joker grinned widely, preening a little. “Hey, you just can't help it. I've got a body all the girls want.”
EDI grinned. “The male members of the crew have found other things to do. Commander Shepard and the other female members of the combat team have gathered in Aria's personal lounge. She and Nyreen have been affected as well,” she
said. “Shall we be off?”
Joker nodded. He wasn't sure what was going on, but he liked it.
And when he got to Aria's personal lounge, he found he liked it even more.
Commander Shepard, Ashley Williams, Dr. Liara T'Soni, Tali'Zorah, Jack, Kasumi Goto, Miranda Lawson, Justicar Samara, Aria T'Loak, and Nyreen Kandros were all there, discussing their new physical changes.
Commander Shepard just stared off into space, watching the races going on, occasionally glancing down at her now absurdly large bosom with confusion.
Miranda and Jack were sitting next to each other, trading barbs at each other's new enhanced figures.
Tali, who looked ready to bust out of her containment suit from how large her breasts had grown, was discussing the changes animatedly with Liara, the doctor and Quarian discussing how Tali's need to wear the suit to protect her
weak immune system had been eliminated.
Kasumi was poking her new breasts over and over again, muttering how much harder it would be to be stealthy now that she had these tits. Ashley was teasing her lightly, but shared her concerns, noting that it was more difficult
to hold rifles with her oversized boobs.
Samara just sat, meditating, the Justicar's expression peaceful.
Aria, with Nyreen resting contentedly against her, nodded to EDI as she came in. “So what's the story?” she asked.
“It appears Joker is the only male member of the crew affected,” EDI said, he and Jeff sitting down at one of the tables. “We have received the biggest changes, with the other female members of the crew receiving smaller physical
enhancements.”
Shepard smiled at him, running a hand through her short red hair, “It's good that you got something out of this, at least. We have to figure out how to work with these damn porno bodies now...”
Aria snorted. “Doesn't seem to be hurting us,” she said. “Clown boy here can actually do something without breaking his bones, EDI's now more of a sex toy than she was to start with, and the Quarian won't get the sniffles just by
goin' naked now and then.” She smirked when Tali blushed, and then turned to Nyreen, her expression going into a rare form: affectionate. “I know I'm enjoying the change.”
Nyreen rolled her eyes. “If I paid you money, could you be any more arrogant?”
Aria smirked. “Well, I can always use the cash,” she said.
Joker and the other girls chuckled. “Still,” Liara said, “I'd like everyone to get a full physical from Dr. Chakwas. We seem to be healthy, but I want to be certain that there's nothing else going on with these changes. Ashley's
breasts grew back to this size after she had reduction surgery on them this morning. That's highly unusual.”
Shepard nodded. “I'll see that it gets done,” she said, patting Ashley on the shoulder when she grumbled about the failed surgery.
With nothing else to talk about, conversation eventually turned to what everyone wanted to do while on Omega this month. There was a brief argument between Tali and Aria when the Quarian expressed interest in Omega's power core,
but it was quickly forgotten when a race came on.
“Oh, hey, wait a minute, I've been wanting to watch this,” Nyreen said, getting Aria's attention. The others, save for Samara, all turned to watch. The race was between vorcha.
Aria grinned. “Hey, wanna place some bets?” she asked. “Make some extra cash?”
The Normandy crewmembers looked at each other, and shrugged (making their ample chests bounce, much to Joker's delight). “Sure, why not?” Ashley said. “Might as well pass the time.”
Joker's eyes widened, remembering Santa's note. “I bet 500 creds on Clarlaran,” he said, taking out his credit chip.
Snowflakes danced around the eyes of the other women. They didn't seem to notice, but Joker did, realizing what was happening. This is how I'm gonna get the 'fun!'
“Clarlaran?” Ashley said. “That sissy? I've seen him race before. He couldn't win if he had a rocket booster up his butt.”
Samara quirked an eyebrow in amusement. “His record does seem to work against him,” she said, looking at his rather abysmal stats.
Joker shook his head. “I like the underdog and can spare the creds,” he said.
EDI frowned. “There's many more capable racers,” she said.
“I've got a good feeling,” Joker said, smirking.
Aria snickered, and then began laughing outright. “Oh geez... Okay, I got a bet for you. You win, you get me as your willing sex toy for the entire time you're here. I'll do whatever you want, let you fuck me however, wherever,
and whenever you like. I win, you're mine. Same deal.”
Joker nodded, smiling in perfect confidence. “Fair enough,” he said.
Snowflakes danced around the eyes of the women, magic dispelling their worries about Joker's confidence. Aria turned to the other women. “Anyone else? We all bet same terms, we all get a chance to test out Joker's new durability.”
One by one, each woman agreed, Shepard agreeing last.
“Don't worry, Joker,” she teased. “I promise to be nice to you.”
EDI huffed, hugging his arm. “I'm his girlfriend, I get him first,” she said.
Aria snickered. “Fine by me,” she said. She called over a bookie and had him make the bet official.
The race started, Clarlaran lagging behind the pack, going at a steady trot. The women (save for Shepard, EDI, and Samara, who just watched) all cheered and rooted for their choice. But as the race went on, Clarlaran began moving
faster and faster as the other vorcha racers tired out. To the dismay of the women (even Samara and EDI showing emotion at this), their choices being beaten out as Joker's choice, having conserved his energy throughout the race, burst ahead of the pack and
scored the win.
The gathered women stared at the screen, and then turned back to Joker, who couldn't stop smiling.
“SO!” he said. “Guess I win.”
“How...” Aria started to say, only to be interrupted by the bookie.
“Oh this is rich,” the Batarian said. “The great and mighty Aria T'Loak, made the sex slave of some random pilot.”
Aria snarled, clenching her fist, her biotic powers flaring. Nyreen scowled at the Batarian, the Turian's eyes narrowing.
Joker thought for a moment. He'd never really liked Aria all that much. But this guy was being rude, and Aria did keep Omega in line. She'd honor her end of the agreement no matter what, he knew that, so he could get a little vengeance
for some of the jerkass things she's done. Then again, he could just let her maul the guy. Same result either way.