(I gotta warn you, Fan Fic...I'm not up on modern comics. Thus, I don't have the slightest idea who "<A href="http://www.superstories.net/Addventure/Chapter.aspx?ID="4160"">Mother of Champions", "Mighty Endowed</A>", "<A href="http://www.superstories.net/Addventure/Chapter.aspx?ID="4161"">Larfleeze</A>"
or "Saint Walker" are. Also, I really liked the Joker/Penguin thread that someone else did...but I'd already written this, and wasn't going to chuck it ;>)
Her armor was much like her husbands - grey and imposing - except for the facemask. Like Victor, she felt the need to cover her face. Unlike Victor though, she was unscared...so her facemask was designed like the face of a cold, impassive
beauty. In its own grim way, it was just as imposing as her husbands.
She made a state visit to Gotham soon after that, and made some rather critical statements about Batman, calling him "impotant" and "incompetent", and saying that "After so many years, one would think that the bufoon would have the decency to simply break
that Jokers neck. How many deaths can be laid at his feet? And just think of the irony that his greatest henchman turned him in and wrapped him up for life, and yet he's broken out AGAIN...and killed another dozen people in the precess. This vicious circle
MUST come to an end!"
"But, wouldn't that be a violation of the Jokers rights?"
Baroness Von Doom smile coldly. "The rights of the individual pale next to the rights of the state."
Still, when she met with her father, she showed obvious affection and hugged him tightly. She had changed a great deal, but in certain ways...she was very much her fathers daughter. What could he do?
He agreed to turn a blind eye. He'd not help her hunt down the Joker...but he'd also not hunder her search.
"We've got to find the Joker first, Harley." said Batman, after watching Barbara on television.
"Gee, Puddin'..." she said, twirling her battlestaff and snapping on her utility belt. "...this one ain't gonna be easy."
The Joker was starting to feel the pinch. It wasn't as though anyone in Gotham was on his side, and Baroness Von Doom (called "The Iron Maiden" in the media) was making things very dangerious for him...right up untill...
He could hear someone in the next room singing. It was a womans voice, and at first he thought Harley had come back...but no...that was a woman - throaty and sexy - not a girl. The Baroness? Shit! He wasn't ready for this?
He drew his gun, checked his acid-squirting flower, and took a deep breath. Then...burst in...
"Hey, Joker..." the woman husked, low and smokey. She was dressed in a skin-tight, leather bodysuit that incorporated a jesters cap, gloves and curly-toed shoes. It was somewhat like Harleys costume, but instead of black, red and white, it was mostly black
and purple. Her makeup was white, with blood red lips and dark purple eyeshadow and blush. She turned to him, and he saw she wore wickedly spiked wristbands, belt and collar. She smiled, sauntered towards him and handed him a drink. "...how was our day? Feeling
the pinch from the tin-plated bitch? I hear that. We had the same problem with her husband...before I wised up and ditched that stupid husband and my two squalling brats of mine. I saw you on television...and was touched by the way you had the guts to..."
she moaned and touched herself "...kill all those guards...and Jason Todd..." she giggled "...Gordons wife...and cripple that cunt in the first place. I always wished I could indulge myself in such antics...and now, with your help...I will. Teach me to kill,
Joker. Teach me to laugh at others pain."
The Joker smiled at the evil beauty - much darker and more vicious than Harley ever was - and said "I'd be pleased to teach you...Susan Richards, is it?"
She giggled and licked her crimson lips. "Please...call me Malice!" and the both of them laughed...and their laughter was like the cackling of demons in hell.
Superman was feeling uncomfortable. He was having a meeting with Wonder Woman...well, Diana Fisk...and he was stunned by the totality of her new personality and transformation. She was gargantuanly fat, and her thickly rotund body was wrapped in a silken
gown, her hair in a complex updo, diamonds dripping from her neck, fingers, ears and wrists, a cigarette in a long, diamond studded holder. She sounded bored with his talk of the League, and finally said "Cut to the chase, Superman. I haven't the time to bother
with your trivial difficulties. I and my husband are preparing for a meeting with...certain business accociates."
"I...well, I'd rather...I'd like you to...um, become...Wonder Woman again."
Diana smirked, then gestured with a flabby, well-manicured hand...glittering with rings. "Oh, really? No offence, Superman...but I think I'm quite...finished..." she drifted off, then smiled wickedly "...you know. I do believe I'll accept your offer."
He sat up, looking suprised. "Really? Because the whole team has missed you. Things are getting nuts, Diana. Batmans bringing Harley to the Watchtower regularly...Susan Richards devorced Reed Richards, did you hear? And now she's running around with the
"And I'm married to the Kingpin." she said, smiling.
"Uh, well...you know..."
She chuckled, and waved him off "I love my husband, Superman...and I love the new me. I used to be a fool. Now I'm a mature, responcible adult. And I'd LOVE to take my place on the Hustice League again."
"Well, I'll give you a few months to...you know, get back in shape..."
"I'll return to the group tomorrow, Superman..." she said, amused. "...just like my husband, I'm VERY strong. She took his hand...and squeezed. He winced, and started to pull away. She held him...them grabbed him in a wrestling hold. She smiled, and gestured
to her body "As I've...grown, I've packed on a tremendous about of muscle mass. I'm stronger, fitter and far more dangerious now than I ever was before."
He had to agree...but the next day, when she waddled into the meeting room of the Watchtower, wearing a resized version of her old costume. The tiara, bodice and wristbands were now encrusted with diamonds...as was her jewelery. She took her seat, lit a
cigarette, and said "Well? Is anyone going to welcome me back?"
Everyone looked at her...the silence spun out...
Batman and Harley stood and Harley hugged her, saying "Well, we're happy yer back, Wondie. I think yah looks great. Real 'Healthy', y'know. That's a great look fer you. Gives th' team a hint o' class."
Diana Fisk smiled at the girl, genuinely touched by her clumsy by heartfelt attempts at friendliness. She kissed Harley on the forehead, and Batman said a little loudly "I'm glad your back, Diana. And I'm glad your happy as you are."
Gradually the rest of the team came up to her and said basicly the same thing, but almost all of them sounded at least a little...forced. In her own way, Diana enjoyed their discomfiture just as much as she'd enjoyed Harley and Batmans friendliness. She
reveled in her size, and its effects on the small-minded people who didn't understand that she enjoyed her new body...and her new husband.
In his own way...Superman understood. After all...he now had his own little secret.
After the meeting, he went back home...and smiled at his new wife.
What was he thinking? He was mad...insane. But...she was so powerful and commanding...and he was a mere male...a worm who must crawl before his mistress.
"You back, dickless?" asked Man-Killer with a snear. He shuddered with self-loathing, and dropped to his knees...then to his belly. He crawled to his wife...mistress...goddess, and begged "Oh, please Mistress Katrina...forgive this lowly male for dareing
to be away from his queen. I am a worthless, little toad...a bug beneath your feet."
Katrina Luisa van Horn (aka:Man-Killer) was a radical feminist terrorist and avowed man-hater...and the day she'd realised she was in love with Superman she almost killed herself. A MAN? How could she ever love a man? She was a lesbian, and for that matter...she
HATED men. Hated them...but was in love with one? How?
But, once she and Clark met, it was love at first sight...as long as Clark knew his place. They'd married at a feminist commune with a lesbian minister, and she'd written his vows...which he'd said while nakid and on his knees. He'd legally changed his name
to Clark van Horn and quit his job at the Daily Planet to be her submissive househusband. He dressed in the clothes she bought for him, and he cooked, cleaned and worshiped her utterly. She'd changed somewhat as well, but only in outlook. She'd become a hero,
and next meeting he'd present her to the League as a new member. Then, he'd changed in a far more important way. At first he was humble and meek, but that wasn't the sort of mate Katrina wanted either. Finally, Clark began to change again...bit by bit. By
the time of the next meeting, Man-Killer swaggered into the Watchtower...followed closely by a handsome woman who used to be Superman, but had used Kryptonian devices to remake himself into the sort of woman Katrina craved. She talked loudly about masculine
inferiority, and the need for a "Strong sisterhood" to lead the world. She was a total feminist stereotype, with her short hair, butch attutude and lack of makeup. "Clare van Horn" (aka: "Superior Womyn") now wrote articles and columns on feminist ideology,
lesbian issues and male inferiority in "Sapphic Journey"...a lesbian newspaper she also published.
"Sister, no MAN has the right to judge you..." Clare said, her arm around her lifepartner Katrina "...so what if you don't fit the male-oppessors view of beauty. I say, do what you feel is right, and screw the men...if you like that sort of thing. Look at
me, for instance. I can't believe how long I swung a penis around before I realised what a beast I was. Then Katrina found the dyke in me, and a little while later, say good bye to all the masculine lies and shit like that, and say hello to my inner womyn."
She'd become that sort of feminist. She spelled Woman "Womyn", History "Herstory" and she wore severe looking suits and comfortable, flat shoes.
"Thank you, Superior Womyn." said Wonder Woman, a smile on her wide lips. She thought the new Superior Womyn was a big improvement, and she enjoyed the looks of horror from the rest of the team. Clare and Katrina were an interesting duo, and it was obvious
that they were happy. Metropolis would take a while to get used to the dykish pair, but in the end...things would work out.
And if the League thought THAT was the strangest thing they'd ever see...they hadn't seen anything yet.