A television screen flashed on with the commercial jingle of a new soft drink on the market. A saucy dance number with a current music mogul while she sings with a can of ‘Purple Punch!’ in her hand. Taking a sip after her song ends, her skin turns a deep shade of purple before she smiles back at the camera and exhales.
Clicking the off button on his television remote, the head CEO of Cripes Cola smiled back at his fellow executives with a shared smile. A man in his mid forties and balding slightly, Brann Burlow was the head of a new soda company that hit the market only a few weeks ago with a new line of soft drinks that had already made it big. A harmless hormone was added to his latest drinks that dyed the imbiber purple for 10 minutes. It was already a hit! High art meets delicious taste was one of the reviews from the dozen or so magazines already raving about Purple Punch!
“Gotta tell ya friends, our sales are through the roof!”
“Yes sir.” Cheered the dozen or so suits sitting at the long table clapping.
“A soft drink that turns ya purple, people are gonna eat this up!’
“You mean drink it up!”
Laughing and toasting to their best product to date, the executives to Cripes Cola continued to celebrate on the success until a soft knock at their office door turned their attention to the mousy lab coat wearing engineer who slowly stepped inside.
“Uhm… sir? May I have a word with you?”
“We’re busy Carol, can it wait?” Smiled the CEO as he put out his cigar. The rest of the executives turning their attention to the young chemist at the door, fidgeting on the spot. “Uhm… no sire, you MIGHT want to see this.”
Frowning, the portly 40 something man got up and followed the woman out the door. Less than an hour later, the two made it to a facility in the same building. Al the while the lab tech prattled on to the indifferent CEO about her findings. “We performed blind tests with willing volunteers to try the drink to determine flavour, satisfaction, possible side effects or allergies.” Mentioned the petite woman going over a clip board in her hands. “Everything turned out great until we got to subject 2G-56.” Going down the row of rooms where a large window in the door showed volunteers trying the drink took a sip and turned purple. When they got to the desired room, the man did a double take.
Sitting on what was left of a plastic and metal chair sat a giant reptilian monster that took up almost the entire room. Its arms crossed over its barrel chest and a fat spiky tail thumping behind it, the creature had shaggy fur on its fore arms and chest along with a mop of fur on its four-horned head that ran down its foot-long neck, down its back and down the tip of its tail. Dark claws on its hands and feet and sharp teeth could be seen past its sneering lips. But what really stood out was the fact its eyes, scales and hair were bright purple.
“I thought we weren’t doing animal testing with our products.”
Sitting up and bumping its head on the ceiling, the creature revealed it wore the remains of what used to be track pants, stretched to the limit by its large bulk and sporting a bulge that looked like it was trying to smuggle two bowling balls and a corgie down its pants. “Do I LOOK like a fucking animal?!”
Blinking back at the response and back at the petite lab tech, the woman offered her CEO a file. “Mr. Burlow, meet Sam Reggings… He’s a mutant.” Taking the file and pulling out a photograph of the taste tester, the man brought up a picture of a 20 something college student with facial hair and compared it to the sneering lizard monster looking back at him, turning his attention between him and the photograph and back again. “So, he’s a mutant? What can he do?”
Growling back at the man, the lizard monster slapped his hand on the table, turning it from wood, to steel, to plastic and back again. “So, he’s not supposed to look like this?”
“Uhm… No, it seems the hormone in the drink reacted violently to the ‘X’ gene and turned him into… This.”
Looking back at the photo and back to the lizard monster staring back at him, the CEO coughed a smile. “You’ve got a knack for designer work kid, I’ll give you that, but let’s keep this whole business private, OK?”
“Private? I’m a goddamn purple lizard because of your fucking drink, I mean look at me! I can’t pick up chicks looking like Barney the Dinosaur’s ass-hole cousin, what makes you think I’m not going to go to every news station to sue your ass to the ground?!”
While the creature was ranting out loud, the CEO was scribbling out a check and waving it in front of the lizard man’s nose. Snatching it up like an insult, his expression instantly changed when he counted the number of zeros attached to the one.
“Private? SURE THING! Oh, this drink is fantastic, what this?” Asked the purple monster gesturing to his scaly arm and purple fur. “This is… Uhm, my second mutation, yeah, happens all the time. It has nothing to do with the delicious tasting Purple Punch! By the way can I get a 12 pack of the stuff before I leave?”
Looking back up at her boss with a look of disbelief, the man nodded back to the creature and winked back at the technician. “Just put a warning on the stuff saying that we’re not responsible for 1 in a million chances of people turning into purple lizard things.”
“Y-Yes sir…”
*
Meanwhile at the Xavier school for gifted youngsters…
“Oh hey, there’s a new flavour in the vending machine!” Chirped Shadowcat, fumbling for change in her pocket.