Meanwhile, Diana had reached the Howard’s front door and could see her overnight bag proudly perched on an ornamental table, tucked away behind a rack of coats. How it had got there Diana didn’t know; but she had her suspicions. If Batgirl were here she could dust for fingerprints but she wasn’t and suspicions weren’t proof. Still, Diana decided, she could use the bag to her advantage now.
“Oh! There it is,” she said and fell on it like it was a lost child.
Trish waddled past with a bit of a squeeze due to her swollen belly.
“Jes like Ah sayed,” she said primly. “Now put it somewheres safe an shuffle your feet to the kitchen and get ready fur a meal you ain’t never seen before.”
Diana staggered and put a hand to her temple, “Oh, my!” she gasped and pulled a sad face, “Oh, Mrs Howard, I’m so sorry but could I beg off such a large meal right now? It has been such a long day and I think it’s catching up with me. First I forget my bag, then the car door… and I just have to freshen up after the journey. I… I don’t think I would be very good company at your table.”
Trish was gathering herself up to say something just as Mr Howard entered the house.
“Now, Dear,” he said, “I think Miss Prince is quite right an’ actin’ sensibly at last after that unheard of journey. Mrs Howard will prepare a light something for ya an’ a glass o’ her homemade lemonade. Ain’t that right, Dear? Miss Prince can meet the rest of the lodgers later, after she’s done recoverin’ an’ had a chance to regain her wits.”
“Oh, thank you, Mr Howard,” Diana gushed, disgusted with herself for acting in this manner, “I knew you’d understand.” She flashed a weak smile at both of the elder Howards. Holy Hera, help me get through this day! She prayed.
“Well, I’m a sendin’ up a sandwich and some cold cuts all the same, Miss Prince, an’ I won’t hear a word agin’ it,” Trish said firmly, folding her arms atop her pregnant body. “an’ a long, cool glass o’ ma home-made lemonade; mind ya don’t spill any on ma bed.”
“That’s very hospitable, Mrs Howard,” Diana replied.
“Ain’t that the Southern way,” chirped up little Lilly from behind her father, “always lookin’ to do what’s best fur ‘tothers ‘n’ ensurin’ a guests needs is fully serviced.” Then she added a little rhyme, “Service fur service ain’t no crime, a girl to a boy all o’ the time.”
Mr Howard patted Lilly on the head and shooed her past him, “Well put, Lil’, now scoot on in t’ the kitchen and git lil’ Master Henry in his favourite chair. Ah’m sure his appetites as big as an titan ‘n’ I know mine is. Take care, Miss Prince, an’ rest up. Mayhap, when the weather cools, you’d care fur a promenade around our most modest gardens.”
The Howards went into the back of the house leaving Diana alone to catch her breath but only for a second; Diana heard the garden gate open. Quickly she ran up the stairs and into her bedroom. Putting her overnight bag on the dresser nearest the veranda, she opened the bag and almost screamed. It had been looted! Gone were her navy and grey sweats and white woollen socks. Her other items, which Barbara had helped her pack were all there just her two sets of night clothes missing.
Could she get to the local shops in time or would she have to sleep naked? Naked wasn’t a problem for Diana, after all she’d grown up on an island only populated by woman with a Mediterranean climate and an Ancient Greek outlook on life, but her fellow guests and the Howards might take exception.
“Well if’n that face ain’t like a week o’ wet Mondays.”
Diana spun round, surprised that she had been so easily surprised; it was Clem with her other bags in the doorway. Jessica hovered outside.
“Is that how you talk to all Mr and Mrs Howards’ guests?” Diana asked.
“Ahm a jus wonderin’ if’n Ah can do anything more fur ya; t’ help out like. No kiss required,” Clem said as he dumped the two bags on Diana’s bed.
Diana looked beyond Clem to Jessica and realised she could be of help, “Jessica, isn’t it? Could you tell me how to get to the nearest clothes store? I seem to have mislaid a few items.”
Clem snickered, “You lost ya jammies, Miss Prince?” he asked, pointing at the overnight bag.
“Oh no!” gasped Jessica; hands clasped to her face.
“I…” Diana started then changed her mind, “probably left them back in my motel room in Washburn. I’ll ring them to have them forwarded but –“
“Yain’t got no jammies,” Clem didn’t let that fact go and his twitching smile told Diana he was loving every second of it.
“I’ll be fine,” Diana said firmly. “It’s only for a night and, if I can get to the shops –“
“Well yer cain’t. It’s half day closin’ today,” Clem said.
“But there were plenty of shops open when I arrived.”
“That wuz this mornin’ an’ now’s after noon an’ after noon is –“
“Half day closing,” Diana finished Clem’ sentence. Diana sensed that he was probably lying but she couldn’t say so without causing more of an incident. Undercover work was not as easy as it looked, Diana decided.
Jessica bobbed into the room with a big smile on her face and said, “Don’t you worry none, Miss Prince. I’ll fix it all an’ you, Clem, haven’t ya delivered Miss Prince’s bags already?”
“Reckon so,” muttered Clem. “Ah hopes yer has sweet dreams tonight, Miss Prince, all without yer jammies on; Ah jes knows Ah will,” he said as he sauntered out laughing.
Three thousand years of Amazon heritage burned Diana’s blood and only the mercy of Minerva kept Wonder Woman from ramming the curling tongs, she’d just removed from her bag, deep into Clem’ receding skull.
Perhaps Jessica saw how tightly Diana clutched those tongs because she said, “Ah, don’t pay Clem no mind. He’s as luvvin’ as a frisky tom when he likes ya an’ Ah know he likes ya, Miss Prince, no doubt there.”
Diana placed the tongs carefully away and straightened her jacket.
“But he’s engaged to marry you,” she said.
“Don’t Ah keep remindin’ him an’ in three months time too! But that gives ya plenty o’ time ta git to know Clem some.”
Diana pulled out a fresh pack of sanitary towels and a vibrator, fresh from a sex shop Barbara had known all about, and put them away next to the tongs.
“I’m sure it will be a wonderful day,” Diana lied with a wide smile, “but in three months time I’ll be back home and back at my desk job.”
“Aww, an’ wuz hopin’ ya might come,” Jessica started to pull a sad face when she stopped suddenly and looked surprised, “Oh, darn, yer jammies!”
With that squeal, Jessica dashed out the door and was gone.
Diana shook her head to clear the muddle since entering this mad house.