"What kind'er plan youzzzz got?" Mumbled X-23, the twenty or so tranquilizer darts was making her feel numb... And trippy. At first she thought she was looking at a guy in a red suit of armor, the next it was the cool-aid guy, then Optimus Prime, Santa Clause, then a giant talking bowl of strawberry ice-cream. The High Evolutionary stood before her and her unconscious father Wolverine as the tyrant scientist marvelled at the contents of his prize, in his hand was a beaker full of Beast's Flu. "I have everything I want right here in the palm of my hands, you my delightfully tomboyish stereotype are merely collateral."
Stepping forward with a flourish of his hand and cape the man continued with his speech. "For you see my dear I have run across a most undesirable circumstance, my animal minions had discovered the dark seductive lure that is International Soccer League, at first it roused passions, improved morale... But then after a 6 hour kegger at the Manchester's United it all ran afoul when Britain lost the cup... There is nothing more gruesome, more bloody, more nightmarishly horrific than a Guinness fueled soccer riot! Most of my minions did not survive. " Waving his free hand to the squad that invaded the mansion and the pilots to the helicopter he continued. "THESE are all who survived that tragic night, my vanguard of animal sapiens now a shadow of their former selves..."
"I'm on probation." Called out the one pilot, a shaggy lion man who waved at the inebriated teenager.
"I take AA meetings, just celebrated my first month sober." Kissing a copper coin fished from his jacket the penguin man kissed the etched token before putting it back.
Blinking heavily and cracking a slanted smile Laura pointed at the two and chuckled. "Heh, penguins can't fly..."
"That is neither relevant or desired information Mr. Puffins." Turning his attention back to his prisoners Herbert Wyndham straightened himself, his suit of body armor whirling as he posed. "Thanks to this lovely concoction I can now make a whole new batch of evolved humanity, a species with the intellect and dignity of a human with the power and grace of an animal, and why stop there? With some work this 'Blue Flu' can spread over the entire globe and I will see this world evolved and prosper!"
Giggling and snorting Laura drooled as her head lolled back and forth. "Heh heh heh... Cool-aid man use big funny words..."
"MEN! Take us to my secret lair."
"Uhm... Which one sir? The floating fortress in the sky? The one in orbit? The one buried under New York or the others in like twelve other states?"
Scratching the metal chin of his face plate Herbert made a dramatic pause before looking out the window. "Surprise me."
Looking to each other and shrugging their shoulders the two pilots steered the vehicle a hard right.
***
Regaining consciousness and shaking his head after the explosion Xavier looked around and found himself on the floor by his upturned chair, his office ruined and in shambles. Raising his hand to his plastic guarded forehead the telepath reached out to his team.
"X-Men hear my thoughts, we have been attacked and I fear Laura and Wolverine have been- OH GOOD LORD!"
Wincing at the disturbing imagery Professor Xavier found that his school had been reduced to a zoo filled with rutting moaning animals, in almost every room and occupying every hallway there we at least two or more X-Beasts trying their very best to grind into each other.
"No Storm, that boy is young enough to be your son, stop that. Emma, Scott NOT over the kitchen table! ROGUE! Good lord woman, five at once?!" Reaching out to McCoy Xavier frowned as he got the image of the blue furred scientist being ridden by a rather excitable Hope Summers while Kitty Pride and Rhane Sinclair 'fought' for their turn nearby.
"Dammit people get it together this is a school not a brothel!" Everywhere his mind ventured Xavier was repulsed to find an orgy spread out over his entire campus. "So be it, you all leave me no choice..." Using all his psychic might Xavier tried to wrestle control back from the hormone driven insanity plaguing his school.