As Peter left his apartment to go to the Bugle, thinking about how nice it would be to have J. Jonah Jameson asking him what JJJ could do for him (a raise would be nice, for starters) he barely noticed how the people on the street were all talking to each
other, rushing around in a frenzy. (It was Manhattan after all- frenzy was pretty much the normal setting.)
As he approached his subway stop, a short,round man, balding, with little round glasses approached him.
'Are you him?" he asked, sweating profusely- he looked like he kad been running for hours- or, given his weoght, at least a few minutes.
'Him who?" asked Peter. Always better to give the crazies a little leeway.
'Peter Parker, of course! Or Spider-man, although you sure don't look like his pictures- way too short and schlubby!"
"Um- wow! Uh, yeah, I'm Peter Parker. Why do you-"
The man almost squealed with joy. "It's him! EVERYBODY< IT'S HIM! IT'S PETER PARKER!"
The crowds stopped. No longer were there frenzied questions- just an excited murmur as the news spread. The man suddenly turned to him, looking like he was ready to fall to his knees.
'I am SO sorry about the "short and schlubby" thing. I- I hope you realize- I didn't mean to make you unhappy. please. what can I do for you. do you need some money? A watch? it's not a great watch, but you can have it."
'no- no, thank you. I just want to get to work-"
'A car! Somebody have a car to give Peter Parker a ride?"
It was New York. Of course not. But then then a woman yelled out-" I see a cop car ! It's coming up this way! I can get it to turn, if you want, Peter!"
Peter wasn't an idiot- he realized exactly what was happening. he had been WAYYYY too broad in his command. Everyone in the city- in the world- wanted to make him happy. They were probably all desperate to- it looked like people who had never heard of
him knew his name, but not who he was- just that they wanted- needed - to make him happy. He felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned, and three women- girls, really- high-schoolers, stood there. One was tall, blonde, and willowy, the second, short, black, and
voluptuous, and the third even shorter, Asian, with a trim-but- curvy figure, sucking a lollipop. All three wore school uniforms- St. Francis, just a few blocks from here. The blonde said. 'Are you really Peter Parker?"
Peter nodded. This wasn't going where he was thinking it was going, was it?
"The black girl said. "Oh, boy, We just want you to know, we'll do anything to make you happy,"
The Asian girl took out her lollipop with an audible 'pop!". 'The boys call me Pucker. I'll suck your cock like it's never been sucked."
There was the sound of a siren, as the cop pulled up. "Girls! Mr. Parker is a grown man- an adult. You're teenagers. he might have a moral objection to your suggestions. Mr. parker, if you would care to get in, I will be happy to give you a ride to work.
or, if you'd prefer, i can take you and one or more of these young ladies to a hotel i know nearby."
The chubby man interrupted, 'Or I could go with you to the hotel, if that's more your thing- whatever makes you happy, Mr. Parker!"