Spider-Man didn't know what the fuss was. It was just a dirty old lamp from Saudi Arabia. However, if it was valuable enough to get Green Goblin, Doctor Octopus, Kraven, minions of the Kingpin, Scorpion, Rhino, Carnage, Mysterio, Electro, Vulture, and even Shocker out and fighting over it, then he didn't want them to have it.
He was especially surprised by Shocker's presence. If it was powerful enough to make noted pragmatist and coward Shocker fight against madmen like Carnage to get it, then Spider-Man really had to intervene. He swung down into the melee, hitting Vulture and Shocker hard enough to knock them out with a single punch. He then sent Kraven and Electro's attacks into Carnage, the poisons mixed with electricity disrupting his symbiote enough for a jaw-breaking punch to put him down.
It was then that the villains realized Spider-Man was here, and did something worrisome.
"The SPIDER!" Kraven shouted.
"Get Vulture, Shocker, and Carnage up! That lamp is too important!" Doctor Octopus snarled.
"Truce until the Spider is dead, THEN we go back to fighting over the lamp!" Green Goblin shouted.
"Meep," Spider-Man said, alarmed.
"Keep the lamp away from them! Use it if you have to!" shouted a man who'd been guiding the lamp, tied up by Carnage tentacles. The lamp itself was laying nearby where Spider-Man landed. Rhino was charging, Scorpion riding on his back. Spider-Man webbed the lamp, yanking it over to himself, and did the first thing that came to mind - he rubbed it.
A swirl of mist surrounded him. "Greetings mast- WHOA! I'mma do a freebie this time because technically this fits within my restrictions!" said a voice. There was the sound of fingers snapping... and Spider-Man was suddenly back in his apartment. He looked around, confused, seeing only a cloud of smoke extending from the lamp, a cloud which turned into a beautiful, buxom woman with rainbow-colored skin and traditional Arabic harem gear, a vest and colorful bra. Her long, colorful hair was done up in a ponytail, and a saucy grin was on her face.
She grinned. "Greetings, master! I'm your genie!" she said. "All your wishes are mine to grant!"
"Uhhh..." Spider-Man said, stunned by the beautiful woman before him. But, hero that he was, his attention turned back to the fight he was in. "I wish that the bad guys I was fighting would fall unconscious!"
"...Yeah, I need to clarify. All your SEXUAL wishes are mine to grant. I think those bad guys think I was a regular genie," the genie said. "Name's Ova, by the way."
"Then I need to get back there," Spider-Man said. "The villains will..."
Ova turned on the television. The villains were shown on a news report, looking around in confusion. Carnage looked like he was about to attack someone, when two Mjolnirs flattened the murderous symbiote. The camera looked up, the crowd cheering in relief as the Avengers, including Thor and his female counterpart, Hulk, Hawkeye, Black Widow, Iron Man, Captain America, and Doctor Strange, came in and started blasting the crap out of the villains with ease.
"...apparently be handled," Spider-Man said, pulling off his mask and looking at Ova, who smiled.
"So! Infinite wishes, so long as they're sexual in nature," Ova said. "Since you're the one who triggered my release, only you can use me, even if someone else has my lamp."
Spider-Man grimaced. "Oh boy," he said, his libido clashing with his morals.