The First Change Corrections

by gothamalleyviper - 2/10/2014 5:28 PM

Evva, I am not trying to be a jerk, but I took the liberty of going throw your post and editing it.  You can use this to update your post if you want.  Or Not.  Personally I can tell English is not your first langue, so I hope this helps.  Personally I would like to know what is your primary langue and see your first draft in that langue.

The first change By Evva

<span style='color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";'>The night had just fallen over San Francisco, covering the sky with a long and dark star spangled tapestry. While it was very different from the usual Gotham City night, it was a very welcome change for Robin. He just spent a whole month hunting heroin shipments coming from Asia directly to Gotham for distribution to the east coast. A lot of hard work for both him and his on again off again girlfriend Stephanie Brown, also known as the Batgirl. By the end of this week their operation worked very well. The shipment had been burnt, the boat was on the ocean bottom, and all with no causalities!  The Zodiac Tong lost hundreds of millions dollars on this transaction!  Both he and Stephanie agreed what they did over a Chinatown rooftop one night was just to relieve the tension and not the return of their relationship.

<span style='color: black; font-family: "Segoe UI","sans-serif"; font-size: 9.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";'> 

<span style='color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";'>A long weekend on monitor watch at the titan tower was called for.  It was where he and Connor could spend some quality time, chat and maybe even relax for a while.  He had been welcomed by the tower permanent residents when all of that changed; all the horizon line looked like a huge blood red crack and it was leaking with some strange white-purple light which bathed the room for a while. It didn't matter where Tim looked, he just was saw this crack and the strange light.

<span style='color: black; font-family: "Segoe UI","sans-serif"; font-size: 9.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";'> 

<span style='color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";'>Suddenly there was a white-purplish flash which bathed the Titans Tower, it slowly faded away and the deep blood red crack all around the tower closed. Where Timothy Jackson Wayne (Drake before the adoption) had been there was another person. She wasn't wearing the usual red, and black red robin uniform. The uniform looked very close to Tim's uniform, except she wasn't wearing a cowl, but just a mask very close to kind the Huntress wore, letting her mid back hair flow freely over her back. The girl was about the same height as Timothy and had very similar body language. She stood exactly where Timothy had been and she was looking very confused, like Tim did.

<span style='color: black; font-family: "Segoe UI","sans-serif"; font-size: 9.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";'> 

<span style='color: black; line-height: 107%; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";'>"Where am I?  What are my teen mates? Why are is a boy at the Muses tower?" she said trying to not look like she still in control over the situation.


RE: The First Change Corrections

by Evva - 2/11/2014 8:20 AM

Thanks for the corrections. It is the better way to learn where my english still need to improve


RE: The First Change Corrections

by gothamalleyviper - 2/11/2014 8:25 PM

If you want, you can email me, just add @yahoo.com to my screen name


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Helen-Troy - 1/23/2017 12:56 PM
Replied Colleem!
colleem - 1/23/2017 11:50 AM
Helen-troy :) have a Question on the Massage Board
extreme1 - 1/23/2017 9:32 AM
As soon as I brought the Corruptor over, my laptop key board went ka-put, so Don't expect much until next week when I get a new one.
extreme1 - 1/23/2017 6:33 AM
And the first chapter of the story has been brought over. Now we see where it goes on here.
CorruptionCentral - 1/23/2017 5:57 AM
Helen-Troy, I understand how you feel. RL politics always brings out the most polarizing elements. Most of the writers I've had contact with here would take it as intended, but there are FAR more readers and where They might take it is where the s--- s
CorruptionCentral - 1/23/2017 5:50 AM
Extreme1, people put stories from here on other sites a lot. If it's your story, there's no question you can put it where you want. If it's someone else's, I'd ask first and add a line at the top stating who wrote it & where it was from, but it's up to
extreme1 - 1/23/2017 5:06 AM
Question: would it be ok to bring a story (well the first chapter) from another site? I've got a long dead story from BE's Addventures that I'd like to see this place's take on.
extreme1 - 1/23/2017 4:31 AM
site, the bad guys don't lose often lol. Not sure if I'll add anything, but, if it keeps going, I'll keep checking it out.
extreme1 - 1/23/2017 4:28 AM
Helen-Troy Understandable, it read to me as satire. But, I also think this particular election hit on some really deep schisms so people are understandably raw right now (As a Mexican-American, it's been a fucking nightmare). Also, LBR, on this sit
colleem - 1/23/2017 4:17 AM
Aye. But somehow he is the Luck one who gets what he wants so he is the Hero. I see him only as possible funny side Char



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