The First Change Corrections

by gothamalleyviper - 2/10/2014 5:28 PM

Evva, I am not trying to be a jerk, but I took the liberty of going throw your post and editing it.  You can use this to update your post if you want.  Or Not.  Personally I can tell English is not your first langue, so I hope this helps.  Personally I would like to know what is your primary langue and see your first draft in that langue.

The first change By Evva

<span style='color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";'>The night had just fallen over San Francisco, covering the sky with a long and dark star spangled tapestry. While it was very different from the usual Gotham City night, it was a very welcome change for Robin. He just spent a whole month hunting heroin shipments coming from Asia directly to Gotham for distribution to the east coast. A lot of hard work for both him and his on again off again girlfriend Stephanie Brown, also known as the Batgirl. By the end of this week their operation worked very well. The shipment had been burnt, the boat was on the ocean bottom, and all with no causalities!  The Zodiac Tong lost hundreds of millions dollars on this transaction!  Both he and Stephanie agreed what they did over a Chinatown rooftop one night was just to relieve the tension and not the return of their relationship.

<span style='color: black; font-family: "Segoe UI","sans-serif"; font-size: 9.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";'> 

<span style='color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";'>A long weekend on monitor watch at the titan tower was called for.  It was where he and Connor could spend some quality time, chat and maybe even relax for a while.  He had been welcomed by the tower permanent residents when all of that changed; all the horizon line looked like a huge blood red crack and it was leaking with some strange white-purple light which bathed the room for a while. It didn't matter where Tim looked, he just was saw this crack and the strange light.

<span style='color: black; font-family: "Segoe UI","sans-serif"; font-size: 9.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";'> 

<span style='color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";'>Suddenly there was a white-purplish flash which bathed the Titans Tower, it slowly faded away and the deep blood red crack all around the tower closed. Where Timothy Jackson Wayne (Drake before the adoption) had been there was another person. She wasn't wearing the usual red, and black red robin uniform. The uniform looked very close to Tim's uniform, except she wasn't wearing a cowl, but just a mask very close to kind the Huntress wore, letting her mid back hair flow freely over her back. The girl was about the same height as Timothy and had very similar body language. She stood exactly where Timothy had been and she was looking very confused, like Tim did.

<span style='color: black; font-family: "Segoe UI","sans-serif"; font-size: 9.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";'> 

<span style='color: black; line-height: 107%; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";'>"Where am I?  What are my teen mates? Why are is a boy at the Muses tower?" she said trying to not look like she still in control over the situation.


RE: The First Change Corrections

by Evva - 2/11/2014 8:20 AM

Thanks for the corrections. It is the better way to learn where my english still need to improve

-RE: The First Change Corrections by gothamalleyviper - 2/11/2014 8:25 PM

Site

RE: Purple Men and his future by colleem Created on Aug 27 2014 12:49AM
RE: Susan Storm's Secret Life - Mephisto continued? by CorruptionCentral Created on Aug 15 2014 1:19PM
RE: Susan Storm's Secret Life - Mephisto continued? by ESchorcho Created on Aug 15 2014 11:49AM
RE: Susan Storm's Secret Life - Mephisto continued? by CorruptionCentral Created on Aug 13 2014 6:16AM
RE: Susan Storm's Secret Life - Mephisto continued? by exidor455 Created on Aug 13 2014 5:56AM
RE: Susan Storm's Secret Life - Mephisto continued? by ESchorcho Created on Aug 12 2014 11:44PM
RE: Purple Men and his future by C.King Created on Aug 11 2014 6:45AM
Purple Men and his future by colleem Created on Aug 10 2014 11:16PM
RE: Sue Storms Secret Life - Supervillain Groupie by CorruptionCentral Created on Aug 10 2014 7:24PM
RE: Sue Storms Secret Life - Supervillain Groupie by solddate Created on Aug 10 2014 11:18AM
    

Addventure

RE: liquid evil and identiy cards by Evva Created on Aug 26 2014 11:09AM
RE: liquid evil and identiy cards by gothamalleyviper Created on Aug 25 2014 9:01PM
RE: liquid evil and identiy cards by Evva Created on Aug 24 2014 8:47AM
RE: liquid evil and identiy cards by C.King Created on Aug 23 2014 6:49AM
liquid evil and identiy cards by gothamalleyviper Created on Aug 22 2014 10:44PM
RE: SSSL - Sleezy Reporter by mcFan Created on Aug 22 2014 3:05PM
SSSL - Sleezy Reporter by CJ Created on Aug 20 2014 11:27AM
RE: X-Men Stepford Submssion by ESchorcho Created on Aug 18 2014 3:39PM
RE: X-Men Stepford Submssion by MacroLass Created on Aug 18 2014 12:16PM
RE: X-Men Stepford Submssion by Master_Kind Created on Aug 16 2014 1:47AM
    

Stories

Completely silly by gothamalleyviper Created on Aug 25 2014 5:51PM
RE: C.King resent works by gothamalleyviper Created on Jun 26 2014 9:19PM
RE: C.King resent works by gothamalleyviper Created on Jun 26 2014 9:14PM
RE: C.King resent works by C.King Created on Jun 26 2014 8:23PM
RE: C.King resent works by C.King Created on Jun 26 2014 8:22PM
C.King resent works by gothamalleyviper Created on Jun 26 2014 8:03PM
Wonder women by Peterchoong11 Created on Jun 21 2014 3:55AM
RE: The story chapter went own agenda on me by abashful1 Created on Feb 25 2014 12:15PM
The story chapter went own agenda on me by gothamalleyviper Created on Feb 25 2014 7:20AM
RE: SheVenom and Starfire by CALIBAN3K Created on Jul 6 2013 2:36AM
    

SuperStories Wall


colleem - 8/27/2014 12:49 AM
Message Board :) Some Ideas for Purple Man / Master Plan Stories
gothamalleyviper - 8/25/2014 8:14 PM
I wonder what you would to with my Catwoman entries to Manly Henchmen.
C.King - 8/25/2014 7:33 PM
Which storylines or episodes I work on would you like to see more of? Also good work on the silly, GAV.
gothamalleyviper - 8/25/2014 5:52 PM
Random silliness for you C.King. look in the message boards.
LesLes - 8/25/2014 5:22 PM
Might have left this new story a little too open, but hopefully someone will be inspired to continue!
ESchorcho - 8/25/2014 4:58 PM
gothamalleyviper, that visual of the Rubber Queen and her subjects eating pizza was...amazing. Very unexpected.
C.King - 8/24/2014 4:55 PM
I was being silly. Like the preview for the second Meep episode on Phineas and Ferb. Have I created a monster?
gothamalleyviper - 8/24/2014 4:36 PM
Why not go Who-vian; Rubber Queen vs Cyber-rubber-men? If people are interested in a Rubber Queen vs story put your thoughts in a message thread
XFAN - 8/24/2014 1:48 PM
Rubber Queen Versus the Latex Empress? How about VS the PVC Princess, Silk Sultan, Lady Leather....sorry could not resist.
C.King - 8/24/2014 1:08 PM
Rubber Queen Versus the Latex Empress?



You must be a member to post to the wall