The First Change Corrections

by gothamalleyviper - 2/10/2014 5:28 PM

Evva, I am not trying to be a jerk, but I took the liberty of going throw your post and editing it.  You can use this to update your post if you want.  Or Not.  Personally I can tell English is not your first langue, so I hope this helps.  Personally I would like to know what is your primary langue and see your first draft in that langue.

The first change By Evva

<span style='color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";'>The night had just fallen over San Francisco, covering the sky with a long and dark star spangled tapestry. While it was very different from the usual Gotham City night, it was a very welcome change for Robin. He just spent a whole month hunting heroin shipments coming from Asia directly to Gotham for distribution to the east coast. A lot of hard work for both him and his on again off again girlfriend Stephanie Brown, also known as the Batgirl. By the end of this week their operation worked very well. The shipment had been burnt, the boat was on the ocean bottom, and all with no causalities!  The Zodiac Tong lost hundreds of millions dollars on this transaction!  Both he and Stephanie agreed what they did over a Chinatown rooftop one night was just to relieve the tension and not the return of their relationship.

<span style='color: black; font-family: "Segoe UI","sans-serif"; font-size: 9.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";'> 

<span style='color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";'>A long weekend on monitor watch at the titan tower was called for.  It was where he and Connor could spend some quality time, chat and maybe even relax for a while.  He had been welcomed by the tower permanent residents when all of that changed; all the horizon line looked like a huge blood red crack and it was leaking with some strange white-purple light which bathed the room for a while. It didn't matter where Tim looked, he just was saw this crack and the strange light.

<span style='color: black; font-family: "Segoe UI","sans-serif"; font-size: 9.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";'> 

<span style='color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";'>Suddenly there was a white-purplish flash which bathed the Titans Tower, it slowly faded away and the deep blood red crack all around the tower closed. Where Timothy Jackson Wayne (Drake before the adoption) had been there was another person. She wasn't wearing the usual red, and black red robin uniform. The uniform looked very close to Tim's uniform, except she wasn't wearing a cowl, but just a mask very close to kind the Huntress wore, letting her mid back hair flow freely over her back. The girl was about the same height as Timothy and had very similar body language. She stood exactly where Timothy had been and she was looking very confused, like Tim did.

<span style='color: black; font-family: "Segoe UI","sans-serif"; font-size: 9.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";'> 

<span style='color: black; line-height: 107%; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";'>"Where am I?  What are my teen mates? Why are is a boy at the Muses tower?" she said trying to not look like she still in control over the situation.


RE: The First Change Corrections

by Evva - 2/11/2014 8:20 AM

Thanks for the corrections. It is the better way to learn where my english still need to improve

-RE: The First Change Corrections by gothamalleyviper - 2/11/2014 8:25 PM

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SuperStories Wall


gothamalleyviper - 9/14/2014 9:09 PM
Anyone want to toss me some help with a book length project over on message board?
aspiringactor - 9/14/2014 6:03 AM
swoldrepublic, there's no content in the chapter you just posted.
Evva - 9/14/2014 12:05 AM
You can try talk at the board
YoukoTaichou - 9/12/2014 11:57 PM
I'm always interested in a good LiaG story. Where do I go to talk?
aspiringactor - 9/12/2014 4:02 AM
Okay.
Gorel - 9/11/2014 9:26 PM
Hey Aspiringactor if you wanna brainstorm I'd be happy.
gothamalleyviper - 9/11/2014 8:57 PM
Will do an Alter ID chapter tomorrow evening and probably another Rubber Queen, If I can an MJ black Bat
C.King - 9/10/2014 9:01 PM
Message board for Life is a Game: The Addventure versions.
Grimmer - 9/10/2014 8:49 PM
Not that familiar with the premise and I'm not a Buffy fan but I'm game for whatever you write but for this, maybe have an option for DC or a mixed Marvel/DC verse?
C.King - 9/10/2014 8:22 PM
Question: Anyone interested in a Life is a Game storyline. I have a few story examples if interested. Including a perverted universe, Perverse version of Buffy starring Xander.



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