The First Change Corrections

by gothamalleyviper - 2/10/2014 5:28 PM

Evva, I am not trying to be a jerk, but I took the liberty of going throw your post and editing it.  You can use this to update your post if you want.  Or Not.  Personally I can tell English is not your first langue, so I hope this helps.  Personally I would like to know what is your primary langue and see your first draft in that langue.

The first change By Evva

<span style='color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";'>The night had just fallen over San Francisco, covering the sky with a long and dark star spangled tapestry. While it was very different from the usual Gotham City night, it was a very welcome change for Robin. He just spent a whole month hunting heroin shipments coming from Asia directly to Gotham for distribution to the east coast. A lot of hard work for both him and his on again off again girlfriend Stephanie Brown, also known as the Batgirl. By the end of this week their operation worked very well. The shipment had been burnt, the boat was on the ocean bottom, and all with no causalities!  The Zodiac Tong lost hundreds of millions dollars on this transaction!  Both he and Stephanie agreed what they did over a Chinatown rooftop one night was just to relieve the tension and not the return of their relationship.

<span style='color: black; font-family: "Segoe UI","sans-serif"; font-size: 9.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";'> 

<span style='color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";'>A long weekend on monitor watch at the titan tower was called for.  It was where he and Connor could spend some quality time, chat and maybe even relax for a while.  He had been welcomed by the tower permanent residents when all of that changed; all the horizon line looked like a huge blood red crack and it was leaking with some strange white-purple light which bathed the room for a while. It didn't matter where Tim looked, he just was saw this crack and the strange light.

<span style='color: black; font-family: "Segoe UI","sans-serif"; font-size: 9.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";'> 

<span style='color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";'>Suddenly there was a white-purplish flash which bathed the Titans Tower, it slowly faded away and the deep blood red crack all around the tower closed. Where Timothy Jackson Wayne (Drake before the adoption) had been there was another person. She wasn't wearing the usual red, and black red robin uniform. The uniform looked very close to Tim's uniform, except she wasn't wearing a cowl, but just a mask very close to kind the Huntress wore, letting her mid back hair flow freely over her back. The girl was about the same height as Timothy and had very similar body language. She stood exactly where Timothy had been and she was looking very confused, like Tim did.

<span style='color: black; font-family: "Segoe UI","sans-serif"; font-size: 9.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";'> 

<span style='color: black; line-height: 107%; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";'>"Where am I?  What are my teen mates? Why are is a boy at the Muses tower?" she said trying to not look like she still in control over the situation.


RE: The First Change Corrections

by Evva - 2/11/2014 8:20 AM

Thanks for the corrections. It is the better way to learn where my english still need to improve

-RE: The First Change Corrections by gothamalleyviper - 2/11/2014 8:25 PM

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RE: Susan Storm's Secret Life - Mephisto continued? by ESchorcho Created on Jul 27 2014 4:20PM
RE: Susan Storm's Secret Life - Mephisto continued? by secondchance Created on Jul 23 2014 5:33PM
RE: Susan Storm's Secret Life - Mephisto continued? by ESchorcho Created on Jul 23 2014 11:21AM
RE: Susan Storm's Secret Life - Mephisto continued? by colleem Created on Jul 23 2014 11:08AM
RE: Susan Storm's Secret Life - Mephisto continued? by exidor455 Created on Jul 23 2014 10:17AM
RE: Susan Storm's Secret Life - Mephisto continued? by ESchorcho Created on Jul 23 2014 8:47AM
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RE: Adding images? by MacroLass Created on Jul 20 2014 9:46AM
    

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Sue Storm's Secret Life: Supervillainess by CJ Created on Jul 29 2014 1:36PM
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RE: X-Men Stepford Submssion by MacroLass Created on Jul 23 2014 7:24PM
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RE: X-Men Stepford Submssion by MacroLass Created on Jul 23 2014 1:23PM
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RE: Superia-ority Complex by MacroLass Created on Jul 20 2014 11:51PM
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RE: The story chapter went own agenda on me by abashful1 Created on Feb 25 2014 12:15PM
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SuperStories Wall


CJ - 7/29/2014 1:24 PM
I just looked up variants of Susan, I actually wanted to use Zsuzsa, but figured Xuxa would be easier to remem
Evva - 7/29/2014 1:15 PM
CJ, are you really using Xuxa? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Xuxa_1 Well, she was big at latin america and iberic countries, it is like call someone as Dolly Parton or Sade
solddate - 7/28/2014 9:05 AM
>Blue Man - Always nice to see Harley having a positive effect on writing trends. Very nice work, btw.
LesLes - 7/27/2014 4:11 PM
Wow, @Blue_man, so good and so hot! Loved the way you gave the sorceress some personality and her nice mummudrai surprise! And now I need your Tumblr recs ;)
gothamalleyviper - 7/27/2014 1:02 PM
@Colleem, put it in Message board and I will post any thoughts for you.
LesLes - 7/27/2014 12:23 PM
@colleem: post it on the messageboard and I'm sure someone will take a look?
colleem - 7/27/2014 10:09 AM

colleem - 7/27/2014 3:58 AM
Would someone be so kind and look over my chapter? Will write one soon but english isnt my native
ESchorcho - 7/23/2014 3:19 PM
Great chapter, MacroLass. Thanks for adding. Check the message board.
MacroLass - 7/23/2014 12:42 PM
Ask and ye shall receive. I just wrote a new chapter.



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