So, what is wrong with this story?

by Shendude - 1/2/2013 2:59 PM

So, last month I started a story, "The Fantastic Four's New Mission". My initial chapter got a five rating and was extended later that day.

About a week later, I extended the extension. This chapter got a one rating and hasn't been expanded.

I'm tyring to figure out what I did wrong. As I see it there are several possibilities:

-I briefly had an M/M scene, which may have turned some people off.

-I had Franklin getting a blowjob from Val, which probably turned some people off.

-I waited too long.

-My writing isn't very good.

-The base concept is unpopular.

Would you folks mind helping me find out A: what I did wrong, and B: how I can revive the story?


RE: So, what is wrong with this story?

by C.King - 1/8/2013 10:58 AM

 I haven't extended cause I have an unreliable muse and work ethic. So yeah...

 Plus I might not have voted. Give me a minute.


RE: So, what is wrong with this story?

by Evva - 1/13/2013 8:18 AM

Being sincere, what turned me off was 3 different elements


1) Val and Franklin doing sex. Pedophilia and sex between teens below 16 years old repel me so I stopped even to check the story. Another point on that scene, they was watching their mom being fucked. 

2)The whole sequence became another useless sex moment. Like there was no reason for the sex, it was..."I am bored, let make sex" and that usually is boring as the hell. Give me a plot to follow and I will be very enthusiastic about the story. 

3)The 3 way sex scene. I never would imagine Ben Grimm fucking any man ass. He is the example of malehood in several aspects and mentally during years he felt himself like a monster not worthy to be saw by anyone outside of his life as a hero. 

Excluding the turning off list there are some things which made me feel there was something missing on this story. The porn world which they went really must be magical, because in a matter of days made a mother lost all the motherly feelings about her kids. That kind of behavior broke my sense of belief at this story. I suggest you think more on the reasons for the sex and the consequences of the changes than simply jump at the sex scenes. 

BTW, Val is waaay more inteligent than her father and she is fucking arrogant about her brother. How she became a fuckinbot without anything on her head?


RE: So, what is wrong with this story?

by Shendude - 1/15/2013 11:48 AM

Thanks for responding guys. Evva, you raise some good points.

Concerning Point One, I totally understand you. It was meant to be super-taboo, reflecting how completely the FF have embraced their new sexual ideology. As I see it, a hypersexualized society would not shield children from sex. I'll grant that I have a perhaps unhealthy fascination with the idea of a boy becoming not only sexually active but sexually dominant at an early age. And yes, there's going to be incest in this story.

Concerning Point Two, could you please elaborate?

Concerning Point Three, yes Ben fucking another man is out of character. So is Sue fucking a woman, or Doctor Doom, or any of the ten thousand other out-of-character things we have these characters do on this site on a regular basis. I'm not sure what you're trying to say with that last clause.

It was months, actually. Long enough for intelligent people to be swayed by a sufficiently attractive belief system. It's not entirely realistic of course, but I'll point you to the whole rest of this site.


Site

RE: Susan Storm's Secret Life - Mephisto continued? by secondchance Created on Jul 23 2014 5:33PM
RE: Susan Storm's Secret Life - Mephisto continued? by ESchorcho Created on Jul 23 2014 11:21AM
RE: Susan Storm's Secret Life - Mephisto continued? by colleem Created on Jul 23 2014 11:08AM
RE: Susan Storm's Secret Life - Mephisto continued? by exidor455 Created on Jul 23 2014 10:17AM
RE: Susan Storm's Secret Life - Mephisto continued? by ESchorcho Created on Jul 23 2014 8:47AM
Looking for a story. by KamenRiderWolf Created on Jul 21 2014 11:50PM
RE: Adding images? by MacroLass Created on Jul 20 2014 9:46AM
RE: Susan Storm's Secret Life - Mephisto continued? by exidor455 Created on Jul 20 2014 9:27AM
RE: Adding images? by mercury01 Created on Jul 19 2014 10:55PM
RE: Susan Storm's Secret Life - Mephisto continued? by secondchance Created on Jul 19 2014 8:55PM
    

Addventure

RE: X-Men Stepford Submssion by MacroLass Created on Jul 23 2014 7:24PM
RE: X-Men Stepford Submssion by ESchorcho Created on Jul 23 2014 3:17PM
RE: X-Men Stepford Submssion by MacroLass Created on Jul 23 2014 1:23PM
RE: Superia-ority Complex by MacroLass Created on Jul 20 2014 11:57PM
RE: Superia-ority Complex by MacroLass Created on Jul 20 2014 11:51PM
RE: Superia-ority Complex by Blue_Man Created on Jul 20 2014 6:43PM
A Thought on Working Stiffs by MacroLass Created on Jul 18 2014 6:45PM
RE: X-Men Stepford Submssion by ESchorcho Created on Jul 17 2014 10:00AM
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RE: Hags & Trolls by DeMonic Created on Jul 3 2014 2:42AM
    

Stories

RE: C.King resent works by gothamalleyviper Created on Jun 26 2014 9:19PM
RE: C.King resent works by gothamalleyviper Created on Jun 26 2014 9:14PM
RE: C.King resent works by C.King Created on Jun 26 2014 8:23PM
RE: C.King resent works by C.King Created on Jun 26 2014 8:22PM
C.King resent works by gothamalleyviper Created on Jun 26 2014 8:03PM
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RE: The story chapter went own agenda on me by abashful1 Created on Feb 25 2014 12:15PM
The story chapter went own agenda on me by gothamalleyviper Created on Feb 25 2014 7:20AM
RE: SheVenom and Starfire by CALIBAN3K Created on Jul 6 2013 2:36AM
SheVenom and Starfire by nickfav69 Created on Jul 4 2013 9:00PM
    

SuperStories Wall


ESchorcho - 7/23/2014 3:19 PM
Great chapter, MacroLass. Thanks for adding. Check the message board.
MacroLass - 7/23/2014 12:42 PM
Ask and ye shall receive. I just wrote a new chapter.
ESchorcho - 7/23/2014 11:46 AM
MacroLass, are you interested in continuing the X-Men Stepford storyline? Was just wondering where you were going to go with the Gambit part.
exidor455 - 7/23/2014 10:09 AM
Thanks ESchorcho! Feel free to chip in with any ideas and/or chapters! :)
ESchorcho - 7/23/2014 7:21 AM
Nice work, exidor455 on the new Susan Storm's Secret Life chapter. I really enjoy this storyline. Thanks for keeping it going.
exidor455 - 7/23/2014 4:25 AM
Added a new chapter to Susan Storm's Secret Life - Mephisto thread. :)
XFAN - 7/20/2014 8:09 PM
If you head over to Hypnopics C.King there is a decent Queen Bee story.
C.King - 7/20/2014 3:58 PM
For those who don't know, Peter's Ex Amanda was played by Jeri Ryan, Kate Logan by Tia Carrere, and Doc Kelly by Paula Garc├ęs. H.G. was played by Jaime Murray.
C.King - 7/20/2014 3:35 PM
Given Young Justice Cartoon villain Queen Bee's powers, especially how it was displayed in the spin off comic's last issue... Why no one has used a Queen Bee fanfiction, especially erotic fanfiction.
rakasur - 7/20/2014 4:44 AM
I really like Superia-ority Complex, it's a very good story. I hope to see also heroine of DC like Wonder Woman and Mary Marvel. I hope also to see confrontation between Superia and Amora, Circe, Lorelei, a gender-bender Thor and other Godess. I re



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