So, what is wrong with this story?

by Shendude - 1/2/2013 2:59 PM

So, last month I started a story, "The Fantastic Four's New Mission". My initial chapter got a five rating and was extended later that day.

About a week later, I extended the extension. This chapter got a one rating and hasn't been expanded.

I'm tyring to figure out what I did wrong. As I see it there are several possibilities:

-I briefly had an M/M scene, which may have turned some people off.

-I had Franklin getting a blowjob from Val, which probably turned some people off.

-I waited too long.

-My writing isn't very good.

-The base concept is unpopular.

Would you folks mind helping me find out A: what I did wrong, and B: how I can revive the story?


RE: So, what is wrong with this story?

by C.King - 1/8/2013 10:58 AM

 I haven't extended cause I have an unreliable muse and work ethic. So yeah...

 Plus I might not have voted. Give me a minute.


RE: So, what is wrong with this story?

by Evva - 1/13/2013 8:18 AM

Being sincere, what turned me off was 3 different elements


1) Val and Franklin doing sex. Pedophilia and sex between teens below 16 years old repel me so I stopped even to check the story. Another point on that scene, they was watching their mom being fucked. 

2)The whole sequence became another useless sex moment. Like there was no reason for the sex, it was..."I am bored, let make sex" and that usually is boring as the hell. Give me a plot to follow and I will be very enthusiastic about the story. 

3)The 3 way sex scene. I never would imagine Ben Grimm fucking any man ass. He is the example of malehood in several aspects and mentally during years he felt himself like a monster not worthy to be saw by anyone outside of his life as a hero. 

Excluding the turning off list there are some things which made me feel there was something missing on this story. The porn world which they went really must be magical, because in a matter of days made a mother lost all the motherly feelings about her kids. That kind of behavior broke my sense of belief at this story. I suggest you think more on the reasons for the sex and the consequences of the changes than simply jump at the sex scenes. 

BTW, Val is waaay more inteligent than her father and she is fucking arrogant about her brother. How she became a fuckinbot without anything on her head?


RE: So, what is wrong with this story?

by Shendude - 1/15/2013 11:48 AM

Thanks for responding guys. Evva, you raise some good points.

Concerning Point One, I totally understand you. It was meant to be super-taboo, reflecting how completely the FF have embraced their new sexual ideology. As I see it, a hypersexualized society would not shield children from sex. I'll grant that I have a perhaps unhealthy fascination with the idea of a boy becoming not only sexually active but sexually dominant at an early age. And yes, there's going to be incest in this story.

Concerning Point Two, could you please elaborate?

Concerning Point Three, yes Ben fucking another man is out of character. So is Sue fucking a woman, or Doctor Doom, or any of the ten thousand other out-of-character things we have these characters do on this site on a regular basis. I'm not sure what you're trying to say with that last clause.

It was months, actually. Long enough for intelligent people to be swayed by a sufficiently attractive belief system. It's not entirely realistic of course, but I'll point you to the whole rest of this site.


Site

RE: Idea: Sex of Redemption or Corruption by LesLes Created on Sep 1 2015 4:35PM
RE: Idea: Sex of Redemption or Corruption by gothamalleyviper Created on Sep 1 2015 12:02AM
RE: Idea: Sex of Redemption or Corruption by C.King Created on Aug 29 2015 6:05PM
RE: Idea: Sex of Redemption or Corruption by gothamalleyviper Created on Aug 29 2015 5:00PM
RE: Idea: Sex of Redemption or Corruption by C.King Created on Aug 29 2015 4:45PM
RE: Idea: Sex of Redemption or Corruption by C.King Created on Aug 29 2015 4:44PM
RE: Idea: Sex of Redemption or Corruption by gothamalleyviper Created on Aug 29 2015 3:49PM
RE: Idea: Sex of Redemption or Corruption by C.King Created on Aug 29 2015 3:13PM
RE: Idea: Sex of Redemption or Corruption by gothamalleyviper Created on Aug 29 2015 2:40PM
Idea: Sex of Redemption or Corruption by C.King Created on Aug 29 2015 12:07PM
    

Addventure

RE: Gotham City Sirens by Grimmer Created on Aug 31 2015 8:24PM
RE: Incredible(s) Invasion by solddate Created on Aug 31 2015 7:42PM
Incredible(s) Invasion by LesLes Created on Aug 31 2015 2:10PM
RE: Gotham City Sirens by LesLes Created on Aug 31 2015 2:08PM
RE: Gotham City Sirens by Grimmer Created on Aug 29 2015 6:25PM
RE: Gotham City Sirens by LesLes Created on Aug 29 2015 6:21PM
RE: Gotham City Sirens by Grimmer Created on Aug 29 2015 6:08PM
RE: Gotham City Sirens by LesLes Created on Aug 29 2015 5:55PM
RE: Gotham City Sirens by Grimmer Created on Aug 29 2015 5:45PM
RE: Gotham City Sirens by LesLes Created on Aug 29 2015 5:37PM
    

Stories

RE: Rubber Queen or is there a Doctor in the Fish? by ESchorcho Created on Aug 26 2015 10:18PM
RE: Rubber Queen or is there a Doctor in the Fish? by gothamalleyviper Created on Aug 24 2015 5:22PM
RE: Rubber Queen or is there a Doctor in the Fish? by ESchorcho Created on Aug 7 2015 3:44PM
RE: Rubber Queen or is there a Doctor in the Fish? by ESchorcho Created on Jul 24 2015 8:00AM
RE: Rubber Queen or is there a Doctor in the Fish? by gothamalleyviper Created on Jul 23 2015 8:45PM
RE: Rubber Queen or is there a Doctor in the Fish? by ESchorcho Created on Jul 23 2015 7:58PM
RE: Rubber Queen or is there a Doctor in the Fish? by gothamalleyviper Created on Jul 23 2015 5:58PM
RE: Rubber Queen or is there a Doctor in the Fish? by ESchorcho Created on Jul 22 2015 10:04AM
RE: Rubber Queen or is there a Doctor in the Fish? by gothamalleyviper Created on Jul 18 2015 11:22PM
RE: Rubber Queen or is there a Doctor in the Fish? by ESchorcho Created on Jul 14 2015 10:09PM
    

SuperStories Wall


LesLes - 8/31/2015 1:41 PM
Yes, and I don't know any way to fix it :-( Hopefully @superstories can delete the bad entry?
colleem - 8/31/2015 1:39 PM
I think this went wrong lesles :)
C.King - 8/29/2015 12:10 PM
Two ideas posted in Boards. One on Addvenure and on by accident on site.
gothamalleyviper - 8/28/2015 10:09 PM
I couldn't decide so I did both. Let me know what people think. And feel free to use either or both...
JimmyKasche - 8/28/2015 4:53 PM
I like the sound of Pink Bat personally... though Batgirl is one letter off from Badgirl... just saying <-< >->
wfx - 8/26/2015 9:18 PM
First off, thanks LesLes. High praise from you. Viper, I actually have no idea what might happen to Babs (I at least have ideas for the others), so more than feel free to run with whatever you have. I'll be glad to see it.
gothamalleyviper - 8/26/2015 5:09 PM
So Wonder Woman with a Flip, I had an idea for Barbara (no latex involved) and I just saw a Halloween costume at the store that has me rethinking it. So Pink Bat or Black Cop?
ESchorcho - 8/25/2015 10:30 AM
Great Rubber Queen chapter, GAV!
Dark Z - 8/25/2015 6:37 AM
Awesome chapters, especially the reign of the rubber queen
gothamalleyviper - 8/24/2015 5:20 PM
A bunch of posts, please share thoughts and feedback



You must be a member to post to the wall