So, what is wrong with this story?

by Shendude - 1/2/2013 2:59 PM

So, last month I started a story, "The Fantastic Four's New Mission". My initial chapter got a five rating and was extended later that day.

About a week later, I extended the extension. This chapter got a one rating and hasn't been expanded.

I'm tyring to figure out what I did wrong. As I see it there are several possibilities:

-I briefly had an M/M scene, which may have turned some people off.

-I had Franklin getting a blowjob from Val, which probably turned some people off.

-I waited too long.

-My writing isn't very good.

-The base concept is unpopular.

Would you folks mind helping me find out A: what I did wrong, and B: how I can revive the story?


RE: So, what is wrong with this story?

by C.King - 1/8/2013 10:58 AM

 I haven't extended cause I have an unreliable muse and work ethic. So yeah...

 Plus I might not have voted. Give me a minute.


RE: So, what is wrong with this story?

by Evva - 1/13/2013 8:18 AM

Being sincere, what turned me off was 3 different elements


1) Val and Franklin doing sex. Pedophilia and sex between teens below 16 years old repel me so I stopped even to check the story. Another point on that scene, they was watching their mom being fucked. 

2)The whole sequence became another useless sex moment. Like there was no reason for the sex, it was..."I am bored, let make sex" and that usually is boring as the hell. Give me a plot to follow and I will be very enthusiastic about the story. 

3)The 3 way sex scene. I never would imagine Ben Grimm fucking any man ass. He is the example of malehood in several aspects and mentally during years he felt himself like a monster not worthy to be saw by anyone outside of his life as a hero. 

Excluding the turning off list there are some things which made me feel there was something missing on this story. The porn world which they went really must be magical, because in a matter of days made a mother lost all the motherly feelings about her kids. That kind of behavior broke my sense of belief at this story. I suggest you think more on the reasons for the sex and the consequences of the changes than simply jump at the sex scenes. 

BTW, Val is waaay more inteligent than her father and she is fucking arrogant about her brother. How she became a fuckinbot without anything on her head?


RE: So, what is wrong with this story?

by Shendude - 1/15/2013 11:48 AM

Thanks for responding guys. Evva, you raise some good points.

Concerning Point One, I totally understand you. It was meant to be super-taboo, reflecting how completely the FF have embraced their new sexual ideology. As I see it, a hypersexualized society would not shield children from sex. I'll grant that I have a perhaps unhealthy fascination with the idea of a boy becoming not only sexually active but sexually dominant at an early age. And yes, there's going to be incest in this story.

Concerning Point Two, could you please elaborate?

Concerning Point Three, yes Ben fucking another man is out of character. So is Sue fucking a woman, or Doctor Doom, or any of the ten thousand other out-of-character things we have these characters do on this site on a regular basis. I'm not sure what you're trying to say with that last clause.

It was months, actually. Long enough for intelligent people to be swayed by a sufficiently attractive belief system. It's not entirely realistic of course, but I'll point you to the whole rest of this site.


Site

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RE: Susan Storm's Secret Life - Mephisto continued? by exidor455 Created on Dec 15 2014 12:42PM
RE: Susan Storm's Secret Life - Mephisto continued? by ESchorcho Created on Dec 15 2014 12:33PM
RE: Susan Storm's Secret Life - Mephisto continued? by exidor455 Created on Dec 15 2014 10:18AM
RE: Susan Storm's Secret Life - Mephisto continued? by CorruptionCentral Created on Dec 15 2014 10:06AM
RE: Susan Storm's Secret Life - Mephisto continued? by exidor455 Created on Dec 15 2014 7:40AM
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Addventure

RE: SSSL - Drugged Whore & Groupie by CorruptionCentral Created on Dec 16 2014 3:36PM
RE: SSSL - Drugged Whore & Groupie by colleem Created on Dec 16 2014 11:08AM
RE: SSSL - Drugged Whore & Groupie by exidor455 Created on Dec 15 2014 4:09AM
RE: SSSL - Drugged Whore & Groupie by colleem Created on Dec 13 2014 5:25PM
RE: SSSL - Drugged Whore & Groupie by colleem Created on Dec 13 2014 5:18PM
RE: SSSL - Drugged Whore & Groupie by CorruptionCentral Created on Dec 13 2014 5:03PM
RE: SSSL - Drugged Whore & Groupie by colleem Created on Dec 13 2014 4:39PM
RE: SSSL - Drugged Whore & Groupie by CorruptionCentral Created on Dec 13 2014 4:15PM
RE: SSSL - Drugged Whore & Groupie by colleem Created on Dec 13 2014 1:50PM
RE: SSSL - Drugged Whore & Groupie by colleem Created on Dec 13 2014 1:32PM
    

Stories

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RE: Rule 63ed Joker by gothamalleyviper Created on Dec 2 2014 4:07PM
RE: Rule 63ed Joker by C.King Created on Dec 2 2014 12:40PM
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SuperStories Wall


DeMonic - 12/22/2014 9:32 AM
Sorry I haven’t been adding onto anyone else posts on H&T; I just have an idea I need to work out and not a lot of time to write.
gothamalleyviper - 12/21/2014 10:44 PM
I am going to work on another Rubber Queen and a 63rd Joker chapter this week. ES and C.King if either of you want to add Please let me know.
January - 12/20/2014 2:59 AM
I love this Medieval Madness line. Might think of trying to add on to it, but I've never posted an episode on this site...
gothamalleyviper - 12/18/2014 10:05 PM
ES, look for a doctor in the fish
ESchorcho - 12/18/2014 10:00 PM
GAV, I loved the chapter. I did like the Diana/Lois interaction. Still can't believe I did that. What is going to happen in the ceremony? Want to continue this in the message board?
gothamalleyviper - 12/18/2014 9:34 PM
I am wondering if the same people are posting twisted Disney Princess stories here http://www.pinterest.com/pin/552746554236351206/
gothamalleyviper - 12/18/2014 9:31 PM
@ ES, I did incorporate it, I hope you like where I took the rest of the cast throw the morning.
ESchorcho - 12/18/2014 9:16 PM
gothamalleyviper, I messed up on my Lois Human Sacrifice chapter in Rubber Queen. It should have come after your Human Sacrifice chapter. Can't believe I did that.
colleem - 12/18/2014 11:25 AM
Susan´s dream is online. I will try to write Tony´s dream until Saturday. If someone want to write with CC and me in this Story just tell it :) We are talking about Email for better planing
gothamalleyviper - 12/17/2014 8:42 PM
I am about half way throw the chapter for Rubberqueen, and plotted out the "Wedding Chapter", but I keep getting interupted by my life AFK. I kind of want the Warhamer can from 63 Joker and go play "Whack-a-Joe"



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