by Shendude - 1/2/2013 2:59 PM
So, last month I started a story, "The Fantastic Four's New Mission". My initial chapter got a five rating and was extended later that day.
About a week later, I extended the extension. This chapter got a one rating and hasn't been expanded.
I'm tyring to figure out what I did wrong. As I see it there are several possibilities:
-I briefly had an M/M scene, which may have turned some people off.
-I had Franklin getting a blowjob from Val, which probably turned some people off.
-I waited too long.
-My writing isn't very good.
-The base concept is unpopular.
Would you folks mind helping me find out A: what I did wrong, and B: how I can revive the story?
by C.King - 1/8/2013 10:58 AM
I haven't extended cause I have an unreliable muse and work ethic. So yeah...
Plus I might not have voted. Give me a minute.
by Evva - 1/13/2013 8:18 AM
Being sincere, what turned me off was 3 different elements
1) Val and Franklin doing sex. Pedophilia and sex between teens below 16 years old repel me so I stopped even to check the story. Another point on that scene, they was watching their mom being fucked.
2)The whole sequence became another useless sex moment. Like there was no reason for the sex, it was..."I am bored, let make sex" and that usually is boring as the hell. Give me a plot to follow and I will be very enthusiastic about the story.
3)The 3 way sex scene. I never would imagine Ben Grimm fucking any man ass. He is the example of malehood in several aspects and mentally during years he felt himself like a monster not worthy to be saw by anyone outside of his life as a hero.
Excluding the turning off list there are some things which made me feel there was something missing on this story. The porn world which they went really must be magical, because in a matter of days made a mother lost all the motherly feelings about her
kids. That kind of behavior broke my sense of belief at this story. I suggest you think more on the reasons for the sex and the consequences of the changes than simply jump at the sex scenes.
BTW, Val is waaay more inteligent than her father and she is fucking arrogant about her brother. How she became a fuckinbot without anything on her head?
by Shendude - 1/15/2013 11:48 AM
Thanks for responding guys. Evva, you raise some good points.
Concerning Point One, I totally understand you. It was meant to be super-taboo, reflecting how completely the FF have embraced their new sexual ideology. As I see it, a hypersexualized society would not shield children from sex. I'll grant that I have a perhaps
unhealthy fascination with the idea of a boy becoming not only sexually active but sexually dominant at an early age. And yes, there's going to be incest in this story.
Concerning Point Two, could you please elaborate?
Concerning Point Three, yes Ben fucking another man is out of character. So is Sue fucking a woman, or Doctor Doom, or any of the ten thousand other out-of-character things we have these characters do on this site on a regular basis. I'm not sure what you're
trying to say with that last clause.
It was months, actually. Long enough for intelligent people to be swayed by a sufficiently attractive belief system. It's not entirely realistic of course, but I'll point you to the whole rest of this site.
RE: Susan Storm's Secret Life - Mephisto continued? by CorruptionCentral Created on Aug 15 2014 1:19PM
RE: Susan Storm's Secret Life - Mephisto continued? by ESchorcho Created on Aug 15 2014 11:49AM
RE: Susan Storm's Secret Life - Mephisto continued? by CorruptionCentral Created on Aug 13 2014 6:16AM
RE: Susan Storm's Secret Life - Mephisto continued? by exidor455 Created on Aug 13 2014 5:56AM
RE: Susan Storm's Secret Life - Mephisto continued? by ESchorcho Created on Aug 12 2014 11:44PM
RE: Purple Men and his future by C.King Created on Aug 11 2014 6:45AM
Purple Men and his future by colleem Created on Aug 10 2014 11:16PM
RE: Sue Storms Secret Life - Supervillain Groupie by CorruptionCentral Created on Aug 10 2014 7:24PM
RE: Sue Storms Secret Life - Supervillain Groupie by solddate Created on Aug 10 2014 11:18AM
RE: Sue Storms Secret Life - Supervillain Groupie by CorruptionCentral Created on Aug 10 2014 10:25AM
RE: SSSL - Sleezy Reporter by mcFan Created on Aug 22 2014 3:05PM
SSSL - Sleezy Reporter by CJ Created on Aug 20 2014 11:27AM
RE: X-Men Stepford Submssion by ESchorcho Created on Aug 18 2014 3:39PM
RE: X-Men Stepford Submssion by MacroLass Created on Aug 18 2014 12:16PM
RE: X-Men Stepford Submssion by Master_Kind Created on Aug 16 2014 1:47AM
RE: X-Men Stepford Submssion by ESchorcho Created on Aug 15 2014 7:11AM
RE: X-Men Stepford Submssion by ESchorcho Created on Aug 15 2014 7:09AM
RE: X-Men Stepford Submssion by Master_Kind Created on Aug 15 2014 1:35AM
RE: X-Men Stepford Submssion by ESchorcho Created on Aug 14 2014 10:15PM
RE: X-Men Stepford Submssion by MacroLass Created on Aug 12 2014 1:52PM
RE: C.King resent works by gothamalleyviper Created on Jun 26 2014 9:19PM
RE: C.King resent works by gothamalleyviper Created on Jun 26 2014 9:14PM
RE: C.King resent works by C.King Created on Jun 26 2014 8:23PM
RE: C.King resent works by C.King Created on Jun 26 2014 8:22PM
C.King resent works by gothamalleyviper Created on Jun 26 2014 8:03PM
Wonder women by Peterchoong11 Created on Jun 21 2014 3:55AM
RE: The story chapter went own agenda on me by abashful1 Created on Feb 25 2014 12:15PM
The story chapter went own agenda on me by gothamalleyviper Created on Feb 25 2014 7:20AM
RE: SheVenom and Starfire by CALIBAN3K Created on Jul 6 2013 2:36AM
SheVenom and Starfire by nickfav69 Created on Jul 4 2013 9:00PM
C.King - 8/22/2014 1:26 PM
Actually my birthday is next month. Just got it early as the book comes out now.
colleem - 8/22/2014 9:54 AM
Better late than never :) Happy birthsday :) I hope it is a good bock :)
C.King - 8/21/2014 9:56 PM
Still cooking for Joe and Purple man. Been sick and have a new book for birthday.
colleem - 8/21/2014 9:07 AM
I will post it later this day. Hope you find some rest from work now and that I see some new chapter from you soon.
gothamalleyviper - 8/21/2014 8:08 AM
Go for it, I was going to post another, but the last two weeks have been hell at work.
colleem - 8/21/2014 4:52 AM
Is someone working on a new chapter of purple man? If not I will post something tomorrow. If yes I will wait
CorruptionCentral - 8/17/2014 1:02 PM
Great job mcFan
ESchorcho - 8/15/2014 11:19 AM
MacroLass, Master_Kind, check the message board.
CorruptionCentral - 8/13/2014 4:56 PM
Exidor: Thanks! Glad you are enjoying.
exidor455 - 8/13/2014 7:02 AM
CorruptionCentral - I love what you're doing with the new "Negative Zone" strand in Sue Storm's Secret Life! :)
You must be a member to post to the wall