So, what is wrong with this story?

by Shendude - 1/2/2013 2:59 PM

So, last month I started a story, "The Fantastic Four's New Mission". My initial chapter got a five rating and was extended later that day.

About a week later, I extended the extension. This chapter got a one rating and hasn't been expanded.

I'm tyring to figure out what I did wrong. As I see it there are several possibilities:

-I briefly had an M/M scene, which may have turned some people off.

-I had Franklin getting a blowjob from Val, which probably turned some people off.

-I waited too long.

-My writing isn't very good.

-The base concept is unpopular.

Would you folks mind helping me find out A: what I did wrong, and B: how I can revive the story?


RE: So, what is wrong with this story?

by C.King - 1/8/2013 10:58 AM

 I haven't extended cause I have an unreliable muse and work ethic. So yeah...

 Plus I might not have voted. Give me a minute.


RE: So, what is wrong with this story?

by Evva - 1/13/2013 8:18 AM

Being sincere, what turned me off was 3 different elements


1) Val and Franklin doing sex. Pedophilia and sex between teens below 16 years old repel me so I stopped even to check the story. Another point on that scene, they was watching their mom being fucked. 

2)The whole sequence became another useless sex moment. Like there was no reason for the sex, it was..."I am bored, let make sex" and that usually is boring as the hell. Give me a plot to follow and I will be very enthusiastic about the story. 

3)The 3 way sex scene. I never would imagine Ben Grimm fucking any man ass. He is the example of malehood in several aspects and mentally during years he felt himself like a monster not worthy to be saw by anyone outside of his life as a hero. 

Excluding the turning off list there are some things which made me feel there was something missing on this story. The porn world which they went really must be magical, because in a matter of days made a mother lost all the motherly feelings about her kids. That kind of behavior broke my sense of belief at this story. I suggest you think more on the reasons for the sex and the consequences of the changes than simply jump at the sex scenes. 

BTW, Val is waaay more inteligent than her father and she is fucking arrogant about her brother. How she became a fuckinbot without anything on her head?


RE: So, what is wrong with this story?

by Shendude - 1/15/2013 11:48 AM

Thanks for responding guys. Evva, you raise some good points.

Concerning Point One, I totally understand you. It was meant to be super-taboo, reflecting how completely the FF have embraced their new sexual ideology. As I see it, a hypersexualized society would not shield children from sex. I'll grant that I have a perhaps unhealthy fascination with the idea of a boy becoming not only sexually active but sexually dominant at an early age. And yes, there's going to be incest in this story.

Concerning Point Two, could you please elaborate?

Concerning Point Three, yes Ben fucking another man is out of character. So is Sue fucking a woman, or Doctor Doom, or any of the ten thousand other out-of-character things we have these characters do on this site on a regular basis. I'm not sure what you're trying to say with that last clause.

It was months, actually. Long enough for intelligent people to be swayed by a sufficiently attractive belief system. It's not entirely realistic of course, but I'll point you to the whole rest of this site.


Site

RE: Walking Kink vs Disney by gothamalleyviper Created on Apr 14 2014 7:39PM
Walking Kink vs Disney by gothamalleyviper Created on Apr 14 2014 7:27PM
RE: HHH Discussion by colleem Created on Apr 8 2014 12:05PM
RE: HHH Discussion by solddate Created on Apr 8 2014 11:56AM
RE: HHH Discussion by colleem Created on Apr 8 2014 11:17AM
RE: HHH Discussion by solddate Created on Apr 8 2014 10:19AM
RE: HHH Discussion by colleem Created on Apr 8 2014 2:15AM
RE: HHH Discussion by solddate Created on Apr 7 2014 6:24PM
RE: HHH Discussion by colleem Created on Apr 7 2014 1:34PM
HHH Discussion by solddate Created on Apr 7 2014 9:27AM
    

Addventure

RE: X-Men; Blue Flu by Gorel Created on Apr 22 2014 11:26PM
RE: Discussion of Susan's Secret Life by exidor455 Created on Apr 20 2014 5:53AM
RE: X-Men; Blue Flu by gothamalleyviper Created on Apr 19 2014 11:15PM
RE: X-Men; Blue Flu by Gorel Created on Apr 19 2014 10:28PM
RE: Discussion of Susan's Secret Life by ESchorcho Created on Apr 19 2014 11:06AM
RE: Discussion of Susan's Secret Life by exidor455 Created on Apr 19 2014 9:02AM
RE: X-Men; Blue Flu by gothamalleyviper Created on Apr 18 2014 11:59PM
RE: Discussion of Susan's Secret Life by CJ Created on Apr 17 2014 8:37PM
RE: X-Men; Blue Flu by Gorel Created on Apr 17 2014 3:10PM
RE: Discussion of Susan's Secret Life by CorruptionCentral Created on Apr 17 2014 1:57PM
    

Stories

RE: The story chapter went own agenda on me by abashful1 Created on Feb 25 2014 12:15PM
The story chapter went own agenda on me by gothamalleyviper Created on Feb 25 2014 7:20AM
RE: SheVenom and Starfire by CALIBAN3K Created on Jul 6 2013 2:36AM
SheVenom and Starfire by nickfav69 Created on Jul 4 2013 9:00PM
Futa by Kackbratze105 Created on Jun 13 2013 5:39PM
RE: New Stories by colleem Created on Dec 15 2012 9:47AM
RE: New Stories by Perry Mason Created on Dec 10 2012 12:18AM
RE: New Stories by Perry Mason Created on Dec 9 2012 2:45AM
Black7's stories by thomasbilkin Created on Nov 3 2012 4:10PM
New Stories by colleem Created on Oct 30 2012 3:51PM
    

SuperStories Wall


gothamalleyviper - 4/24/2014 8:29 PM
Kirayoshi, got to say good work, hopefully there is more life in your branch.
C.King - 4/24/2014 9:54 AM
Good Job, Kirayoshi. Good Job. I'll see if I have a story to continue it.
gothamalleyviper - 4/23/2014 7:41 PM
One short, one longer, but hope people provide feed back
gothamalleyviper - 4/22/2014 6:50 PM
Was somebody going to pick up from Asp's new chapter? I was about to start when I noticed a new option. If someone wants to take it go ahead I will wait till tomorrow.
aspiringactor - 4/22/2014 4:12 PM
Just added a chapter for 'Return of the Black Queen' if any one wants to take a look.
Gorel - 4/22/2014 11:36 AM
No worries
gothamalleyviper - 4/22/2014 5:08 AM
Gorel, I will have something up for the Blue Flu this evening, just had stuff to do the last few days.
venkman - 4/21/2014 1:14 AM
Thanks guys!Glad you liked it. Not sure where to take it now but would be good to see it continue, either by me or someone else :)
ESchorcho - 4/20/2014 9:49 PM
I second that on Fausta's revenge. Really good stuff. Can't wait to see where it goes from here. Loving the Valkyrie transformation.
dunloprobert - 4/20/2014 9:23 AM
venkman, just to say i have thoroughly enjoyed your fausta's revenge story, and i am glad no one else has tried to add/interfere with it. thankyou.



You must be a member to post to the wall