So, what is wrong with this story?

by Shendude - 1/2/2013 2:59 PM

So, last month I started a story, "The Fantastic Four's New Mission". My initial chapter got a five rating and was extended later that day.

About a week later, I extended the extension. This chapter got a one rating and hasn't been expanded.

I'm tyring to figure out what I did wrong. As I see it there are several possibilities:

-I briefly had an M/M scene, which may have turned some people off.

-I had Franklin getting a blowjob from Val, which probably turned some people off.

-I waited too long.

-My writing isn't very good.

-The base concept is unpopular.

Would you folks mind helping me find out A: what I did wrong, and B: how I can revive the story?


RE: So, what is wrong with this story?

by C.King - 1/8/2013 10:58 AM

 I haven't extended cause I have an unreliable muse and work ethic. So yeah...

 Plus I might not have voted. Give me a minute.


RE: So, what is wrong with this story?

by Evva - 1/13/2013 8:18 AM

Being sincere, what turned me off was 3 different elements


1) Val and Franklin doing sex. Pedophilia and sex between teens below 16 years old repel me so I stopped even to check the story. Another point on that scene, they was watching their mom being fucked. 

2)The whole sequence became another useless sex moment. Like there was no reason for the sex, it was..."I am bored, let make sex" and that usually is boring as the hell. Give me a plot to follow and I will be very enthusiastic about the story. 

3)The 3 way sex scene. I never would imagine Ben Grimm fucking any man ass. He is the example of malehood in several aspects and mentally during years he felt himself like a monster not worthy to be saw by anyone outside of his life as a hero. 

Excluding the turning off list there are some things which made me feel there was something missing on this story. The porn world which they went really must be magical, because in a matter of days made a mother lost all the motherly feelings about her kids. That kind of behavior broke my sense of belief at this story. I suggest you think more on the reasons for the sex and the consequences of the changes than simply jump at the sex scenes. 

BTW, Val is waaay more inteligent than her father and she is fucking arrogant about her brother. How she became a fuckinbot without anything on her head?


RE: So, what is wrong with this story?

by Shendude - 1/15/2013 11:48 AM

Thanks for responding guys. Evva, you raise some good points.

Concerning Point One, I totally understand you. It was meant to be super-taboo, reflecting how completely the FF have embraced their new sexual ideology. As I see it, a hypersexualized society would not shield children from sex. I'll grant that I have a perhaps unhealthy fascination with the idea of a boy becoming not only sexually active but sexually dominant at an early age. And yes, there's going to be incest in this story.

Concerning Point Two, could you please elaborate?

Concerning Point Three, yes Ben fucking another man is out of character. So is Sue fucking a woman, or Doctor Doom, or any of the ten thousand other out-of-character things we have these characters do on this site on a regular basis. I'm not sure what you're trying to say with that last clause.

It was months, actually. Long enough for intelligent people to be swayed by a sufficiently attractive belief system. It's not entirely realistic of course, but I'll point you to the whole rest of this site.


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RE: Fantastic Four; Strange Appetites by Gorel Created on Feb 22 2017 9:49PM
RE: Fantastic Four; Strange Appetites by Gorel Created on Feb 22 2017 3:57PM
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Gorel - 2/22/2017 7:28 PM
And any hero that tries to stop them unintentionally gets added to their ranks.
Gorel - 2/22/2017 7:27 PM
As for Strange Appetites I was going with the idea that the four and their family become giant monsters that go King Kong on the city.
gothamalleyviper - 2/22/2017 7:22 PM
Interesting Gorel.
Gorel - 2/22/2017 7:17 PM
there we go, link is on the message board
Gorel - 2/22/2017 7:13 PM
Eh... M/M isn't really my thing. But like I said the comic could be good inspiration. I'll send you a link.
gothamalleyviper - 2/22/2017 7:10 PM
For the Big gay furry invasion, I was thinking that the Furries would spread turning earth's men into submissives butch gays and women into gay men.
Gorel - 2/22/2017 7:01 PM
You could make it where the cowgirl invasion does this also, where the ladies are turned into cow girls and the men into bull boys.
Gorel - 2/22/2017 6:49 PM
Horses perhaps? There's actually a comic by mamabliss and written by wyraachur called "Curse of the Werestallion" that might inspire.
gothamalleyviper - 2/22/2017 6:45 PM
so, what kind of furry alien would be best for a big gay enslavement of earth's men?
Gorel - 2/22/2017 6:32 PM
I wouldn't be surprised if the cowgirl leader would entice the heroines to 'embrace the heifer within.'



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