So, what is wrong with this story?

by Shendude - 1/2/2013 2:59 PM

So, last month I started a story, "The Fantastic Four's New Mission". My initial chapter got a five rating and was extended later that day.

About a week later, I extended the extension. This chapter got a one rating and hasn't been expanded.

I'm tyring to figure out what I did wrong. As I see it there are several possibilities:

-I briefly had an M/M scene, which may have turned some people off.

-I had Franklin getting a blowjob from Val, which probably turned some people off.

-I waited too long.

-My writing isn't very good.

-The base concept is unpopular.

Would you folks mind helping me find out A: what I did wrong, and B: how I can revive the story?


RE: So, what is wrong with this story?

by C.King - 1/8/2013 10:58 AM

 I haven't extended cause I have an unreliable muse and work ethic. So yeah...

 Plus I might not have voted. Give me a minute.


RE: So, what is wrong with this story?

by Evva - 1/13/2013 8:18 AM

Being sincere, what turned me off was 3 different elements


1) Val and Franklin doing sex. Pedophilia and sex between teens below 16 years old repel me so I stopped even to check the story. Another point on that scene, they was watching their mom being fucked. 

2)The whole sequence became another useless sex moment. Like there was no reason for the sex, it was..."I am bored, let make sex" and that usually is boring as the hell. Give me a plot to follow and I will be very enthusiastic about the story. 

3)The 3 way sex scene. I never would imagine Ben Grimm fucking any man ass. He is the example of malehood in several aspects and mentally during years he felt himself like a monster not worthy to be saw by anyone outside of his life as a hero. 

Excluding the turning off list there are some things which made me feel there was something missing on this story. The porn world which they went really must be magical, because in a matter of days made a mother lost all the motherly feelings about her kids. That kind of behavior broke my sense of belief at this story. I suggest you think more on the reasons for the sex and the consequences of the changes than simply jump at the sex scenes. 

BTW, Val is waaay more inteligent than her father and she is fucking arrogant about her brother. How she became a fuckinbot without anything on her head?

-RE: So, what is wrong with this story? by Shendude - 1/15/2013 11:48 AM

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gothamalleyviper - 2/22/2017 6:20 PM
I was thinking that the Catgirls are really the Cowgirl's slaves and that their milk has mind control agents in it so as humans drink it, they become willing slaves to their cowgirl mistresses.
Gorel - 2/22/2017 6:04 PM
Or even a benign invasion, where the cowgirls not only seek to breed but offer heroines to become cowgirls themselves. Giving them a BBW/amazon physique... Not to mention horns, tails and 4 tits!
Gorel - 2/22/2017 6:02 PM
Hmm sounds good, Funny. Another idea is they are endangered and they come to earth to boost their population because there are no more males on their planet.
gothamalleyviper - 2/22/2017 5:49 PM
Gorel, How does this sound to you? The Cosmic Cowgirls come to earth claiming they have to breed with the local heroes in order to be able to produce milk for Space Cat Girls who are holding their males and kids hostage.
Cal512 - 2/22/2017 4:47 PM
Urgh I noticed that the site ate a part of the last chapter I wrote... Is there a way to make that... not happen? I guess I should be grateful that I can edit the chapter.
symdude90 - 2/22/2017 4:23 PM
@Cal512 I'm definitely enjoying it so far! Keep up the great work!
Cal512 - 2/22/2017 3:59 PM
@symdude90 I'm glad you like it. I hope you'll enjoy my next few chapters as well. If you want something specific I may write something else out as well.
Gorel - 2/22/2017 3:27 PM
Let me know if anyone wants to add to Strange Appetites, I'd love to hear any brainstorming options.
symdude90 - 2/22/2017 12:36 PM
@Cal512 I really like where you going with this idea. You've done a great job with your chapters!
gothamalleyviper - 2/22/2017 10:50 AM
Twisted thought this morning, Tony Stark wakes up rule 63ed and married to Pepper who is her Hydra handler / hypno-dominatrix.



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