So, what is wrong with this story?

by Shendude - 1/2/2013 2:59 PM

So, last month I started a story, "The Fantastic Four's New Mission". My initial chapter got a five rating and was extended later that day.

About a week later, I extended the extension. This chapter got a one rating and hasn't been expanded.

I'm tyring to figure out what I did wrong. As I see it there are several possibilities:

-I briefly had an M/M scene, which may have turned some people off.

-I had Franklin getting a blowjob from Val, which probably turned some people off.

-I waited too long.

-My writing isn't very good.

-The base concept is unpopular.

Would you folks mind helping me find out A: what I did wrong, and B: how I can revive the story?


RE: So, what is wrong with this story?

by C.King - 1/8/2013 10:58 AM

 I haven't extended cause I have an unreliable muse and work ethic. So yeah...

 Plus I might not have voted. Give me a minute.


RE: So, what is wrong with this story?

by Evva - 1/13/2013 8:18 AM

Being sincere, what turned me off was 3 different elements


1) Val and Franklin doing sex. Pedophilia and sex between teens below 16 years old repel me so I stopped even to check the story. Another point on that scene, they was watching their mom being fucked. 

2)The whole sequence became another useless sex moment. Like there was no reason for the sex, it was..."I am bored, let make sex" and that usually is boring as the hell. Give me a plot to follow and I will be very enthusiastic about the story. 

3)The 3 way sex scene. I never would imagine Ben Grimm fucking any man ass. He is the example of malehood in several aspects and mentally during years he felt himself like a monster not worthy to be saw by anyone outside of his life as a hero. 

Excluding the turning off list there are some things which made me feel there was something missing on this story. The porn world which they went really must be magical, because in a matter of days made a mother lost all the motherly feelings about her kids. That kind of behavior broke my sense of belief at this story. I suggest you think more on the reasons for the sex and the consequences of the changes than simply jump at the sex scenes. 

BTW, Val is waaay more inteligent than her father and she is fucking arrogant about her brother. How she became a fuckinbot without anything on her head?

-RE: So, what is wrong with this story? by Shendude - 1/15/2013 11:48 AM

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Darth Elsa - 5/3/2016 7:44 PM
Sorry for not o\posting. Have been taking a college course. It is wrapping up so I have lots of work and have not been able to do much. Will try and get something soon.
ESchorcho - 5/2/2016 1:34 PM
mcont44, check the message board.
colleem - 5/2/2016 7:14 AM
New Storyline :) Ringmaster, Mesmero and Lascivious against all Heroes of New York :)
gothamalleyviper - 5/1/2016 6:57 PM
Will post a spiderkingpin later tonight or tomorrow as well as more kitty vs Kat and General America
gothamalleyviper - 5/1/2016 6:57 PM
Will post a spiderkingpin later tonight or tomorrow as well as more kitty vs Kat and General America
colleem - 5/1/2016 6:32 PM
i think a mix of Corruptor and Lascivious will be a nice Team :)
C.King - 5/1/2016 6:29 PM
Or check mind controllers on Marvel Database or Superpowers wikia.
C.King - 5/1/2016 6:28 PM
A Male and Two females.
colleem - 5/1/2016 6:28 PM
as always your a Source of Lore Information :) Thank you C.King :) I will google them and pick one :)
C.King - 5/1/2016 6:27 PM
Corruptor, secretes a pheromone or sweat which lowers inhibitions and makes them suggestible to him. Purple skin, red eyes. Lascivious and Letha, recent update has them control attraction and agression respectively.



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