So, what is wrong with this story?

by Shendude - 1/2/2013 2:59 PM

So, last month I started a story, "The Fantastic Four's New Mission". My initial chapter got a five rating and was extended later that day.

About a week later, I extended the extension. This chapter got a one rating and hasn't been expanded.

I'm tyring to figure out what I did wrong. As I see it there are several possibilities:

-I briefly had an M/M scene, which may have turned some people off.

-I had Franklin getting a blowjob from Val, which probably turned some people off.

-I waited too long.

-My writing isn't very good.

-The base concept is unpopular.

Would you folks mind helping me find out A: what I did wrong, and B: how I can revive the story?


RE: So, what is wrong with this story?

by C.King - 1/8/2013 10:58 AM

 I haven't extended cause I have an unreliable muse and work ethic. So yeah...

 Plus I might not have voted. Give me a minute.


RE: So, what is wrong with this story?

by Evva - 1/13/2013 8:18 AM

Being sincere, what turned me off was 3 different elements


1) Val and Franklin doing sex. Pedophilia and sex between teens below 16 years old repel me so I stopped even to check the story. Another point on that scene, they was watching their mom being fucked. 

2)The whole sequence became another useless sex moment. Like there was no reason for the sex, it was..."I am bored, let make sex" and that usually is boring as the hell. Give me a plot to follow and I will be very enthusiastic about the story. 

3)The 3 way sex scene. I never would imagine Ben Grimm fucking any man ass. He is the example of malehood in several aspects and mentally during years he felt himself like a monster not worthy to be saw by anyone outside of his life as a hero. 

Excluding the turning off list there are some things which made me feel there was something missing on this story. The porn world which they went really must be magical, because in a matter of days made a mother lost all the motherly feelings about her kids. That kind of behavior broke my sense of belief at this story. I suggest you think more on the reasons for the sex and the consequences of the changes than simply jump at the sex scenes. 

BTW, Val is waaay more inteligent than her father and she is fucking arrogant about her brother. How she became a fuckinbot without anything on her head?

-RE: So, what is wrong with this story? by Shendude - 1/15/2013 11:48 AM

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SuperStories Wall


Yang Xiao Long - 1/19/2018 1:44 AM
Added to Gwenom. Thoughts? Also, feel free to add to it.
JimmyKasche - 1/18/2018 10:18 PM
also trying to think of more for HLS, the Hard Reboot (kinda restart), and WW with a flip... probably not tonight as my normal office chair broke and am using a rather uncomfortable replacement
JimmyKasche - 1/18/2018 10:12 PM
hmm somehow my formatting got deleted entirely instead of fixing after hitting update... trying to fix this mess
Gorel - 1/17/2018 4:54 PM
In the meantime how dark should I go with Strange Appetites?
Gorel - 1/17/2018 4:42 PM
Alright, if you can't, let me know and I'll continue.
ESchorcho - 1/17/2018 1:59 PM
Gorel, life has been pretty busy. I may be able to write a chapter tomorrow but no promises.
awfulfoo999 - 1/17/2018 4:33 AM

colleem - 1/15/2018 2:37 PM
Yang. Not a great fan of sailer moon but I read your story and enjoyed it. I always like stories with a well written background
ESchorcho - 1/15/2018 8:10 AM
Sorry Gorel. I'll try to write a chapter today or tomorrow.
Yang Xiao Long - 1/15/2018 3:41 AM
What do you guys think of the Sailor Moon story I added? I would love some feedback and help with it.



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