So, what is wrong with this story?

by Shendude - 1/2/2013 2:59 PM

So, last month I started a story, "The Fantastic Four's New Mission". My initial chapter got a five rating and was extended later that day.

About a week later, I extended the extension. This chapter got a one rating and hasn't been expanded.

I'm tyring to figure out what I did wrong. As I see it there are several possibilities:

-I briefly had an M/M scene, which may have turned some people off.

-I had Franklin getting a blowjob from Val, which probably turned some people off.

-I waited too long.

-My writing isn't very good.

-The base concept is unpopular.

Would you folks mind helping me find out A: what I did wrong, and B: how I can revive the story?


RE: So, what is wrong with this story?

by C.King - 1/8/2013 10:58 AM

 I haven't extended cause I have an unreliable muse and work ethic. So yeah...

 Plus I might not have voted. Give me a minute.


RE: So, what is wrong with this story?

by Evva - 1/13/2013 8:18 AM

Being sincere, what turned me off was 3 different elements


1) Val and Franklin doing sex. Pedophilia and sex between teens below 16 years old repel me so I stopped even to check the story. Another point on that scene, they was watching their mom being fucked. 

2)The whole sequence became another useless sex moment. Like there was no reason for the sex, it was..."I am bored, let make sex" and that usually is boring as the hell. Give me a plot to follow and I will be very enthusiastic about the story. 

3)The 3 way sex scene. I never would imagine Ben Grimm fucking any man ass. He is the example of malehood in several aspects and mentally during years he felt himself like a monster not worthy to be saw by anyone outside of his life as a hero. 

Excluding the turning off list there are some things which made me feel there was something missing on this story. The porn world which they went really must be magical, because in a matter of days made a mother lost all the motherly feelings about her kids. That kind of behavior broke my sense of belief at this story. I suggest you think more on the reasons for the sex and the consequences of the changes than simply jump at the sex scenes. 

BTW, Val is waaay more inteligent than her father and she is fucking arrogant about her brother. How she became a fuckinbot without anything on her head?

-RE: So, what is wrong with this story? by Shendude - 1/15/2013 11:48 AM

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gothamalleyviper - 5/26/2015 10:51 AM
EScorcho, to the message boarder!
ESchorcho - 5/26/2015 7:57 AM
GAV, if Viki Vale is a TV news reporter or on-air personality then I think that could definitely work. Get print journalism w/Lois & TV w/ Viki.
Sailor Mercury - 5/25/2015 5:06 PM
Anyone want to help with "Infinity Gem Madness"?
gothamalleyviper - 5/24/2015 10:11 PM
ES, Had a stray thought about Rubber Queen... Has anyone gotten to Viki Vale or other news types yet?
Sailor Mercury - 5/22/2015 12:41 PM
Working on a new Infinity Gem Madness chapter. is a bit long so it might be a few hours.
gothamalleyviper - 5/21/2015 10:22 AM
Are there any requests for me to work on? If not I am just going hog wild.
gothamalleyviper - 5/20/2015 3:42 PM
I am holding on Rubber Queen until you post a chapter ES.
ESchorcho - 5/20/2015 3:28 PM
gothamalleyviper, do you want the next Rubber Queen chapter or should I take it?
Sailor Mercury - 5/20/2015 3:22 PM
Love the Frozen referance!
gothamalleyviper - 5/20/2015 2:33 PM
More madness, please send feed back or join in.



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