Sooo need help...please read!!!

by lafemmenikki88 - 12/7/2013 3:49 AM

This is based on Mannequin Two the movie.


_So this version opens in Renaissance Italy, with the Venetian princess just receiving news that she is to marry a prince from a distant land she's never heard of .. to which she immediately objects to. Perhaps, however, the most devastating part of the situation is that the princess has been secretly having a tryst with her handmaiden an they will no longer be together. Desperate to find a away out of the situation, the princess and her handmaiden visit a sorcerer that night who they believe will have  a solution. 

He gives the princess a small potion in a vial that he instructs  her to take right then and there. However, the potion changes the princess into a mannequin and the sorcerer reveals himself to have been disguised as the prince. Since the princess had already objected to the marriage he gave her the potion to transform into an object he could have forever. The maid of course is devastated and heartbroken and flees the kingdom, resigning from her position as a handmaiden and vowing to never love again. Instead resigns herself to having affairs with wealthy noblemen as a means of gaining power and money, in hopes of moving up the class hierarchy.  Although she lives out the rest of her life as only a wealthy courtesan (lady of the evening), her descendants continue to move up the social ladder, including her reincarnated form who is now the manager of a major new department store. 

The young female manager has thus far had terrble luck with love but wonderful  success in business. One night while setting up a display she encounters the princess in her plastic form and inadvertently brings her to life. Although her memory is fuzzy, the princess recognizes her former lover and the manager hires her as her assistant.  However, unbeknownst to both girls, the sorcerer has been reincarnate into the department store owner who has create the store to become reunited with his mannequin, and is willing to use blackmail on his new manager to get it back.

So any ideas how to get started? Or feedback?


RE: Sooo need help...please read!!!

by LesLes - 12/7/2013 4:47 PM

Well, you had me at star-crossed lesbian lovers destined to meet again (but unfortunately I haven't seen Mannequin 2). That said it's not entirely clear to me what you're asking. If you're planning on writing this as a first chapter for Addventure then I'd suggest the first thing to do is write it as a story instead of a summary. Sorry, I know that's probably obvious!

So, something like...

Princess Justina carefully broke the red wax seal on the parchment. Her father was away and so the duty of running his affairs and receiving his orders, such as these, fell upon her pale feminine shoulders. It would be rather easier to concentrate on such matters if her handmaiden Gessica was not decorating those same shoulders with soft slow kisses.

Night had fallen and the princess's elegant bedroom was illuminated by soft lantern light and the flickering brighter light of the candles upon her richly laquered desk. It was not unusual or strange in Venice that a handmaiden should undo the silken ribbons of her mistress's corset to let her breathe more easily and prepare her for her nightclothes. Behind these doors, at this hour, it was no longer unusual for the unclothed and unashamed handmaiden to lovingly carress the smooth skin each untied corset ribbon revealed.

Gessica pulled the stiff corset away and shivered with anticipation. What she was about to do was forbidden by words of clergy and law and yet it made her heart sore with pleasure and love, as she knew it did the Lady Justina. Her arms slipped forward to envelope her lady in an unchaste embrace, her mouth nuzzling at aristocratic earlobes and her hands settling upon perfect breasts.

Princess Justina gasped in familiar pleasure and leaned her weight back against her beloved servant. But then Gessica felt her lady stiffen and there came a second gasp, not of pleasure but of surprise and fear.

"Marriage."

It was spoken like the judge issues sentence, like the word 'condemned'. The parchment carrying the heavy sentence slipped from the Lady Justina's suddenly clumsy fingers.

etc. etc.

Secondly you need to write for your audience. This is superstories and there is a presumption that your story will involve familiar superheroes. You're more likely to get a response if you can blend them in. I believe a magical necklace is involved? Perhaps Catwoman or Black Cat attempt to steal it. Perhaps Dr Strange or Zatanna investigate it or sense when the curse is broken. 

If you're willing to change your story more then perhaps the Venetian lovers have themselves been reincarnated as superheroines. Perhaps the department store is a front for the Hellfire Club and the owner is Emma Frost or Selene. Being the White and Black Queen's respectively that gives you a little monarchy and some titles to play around with!

Romance isn't dead, but round here you might want to think about how your story can make it easy to fit in lots of superheroine sex! Maybe it's a property of the necklace, maybe it's the way of permanently ending the curse.

Next it's worth thinking about how your chapter ends. It needs to have three or four options that are all different and valid ways for the story to go.

Just some quickly dashed off thoughts. Is any of that helpful?

(An unnecessarily pedantic historical note: Venice never had princesses, in the Renaissance it was ruled by a Doge who was elected by the city's aristocracy - who were also the city-state's powerful merchants - from within the aristocracy and who served for life. His sons didn't inherit the title unless one was elected to it.)


Site

RE: SSSL: Drugged Whore- CJ by chinky_natasha Created on Sep 16 2014 1:12AM
RE: SSSL: Drugged Whore- CJ by exidor455 Created on Sep 16 2014 1:02AM
RE: SSSL: Drugged Whore- CJ by CJ Created on Sep 15 2014 12:06PM
RE: SSSL: Drugged Whore- CJ by exidor455 Created on Sep 15 2014 10:20AM
SSSL: Drugged Whore- CJ by CorruptionCentral Created on Sep 15 2014 6:40AM
geisha by heracross93 Created on Sep 11 2014 9:50AM
RE: I have returned, maybe by Shendude Created on Sep 5 2014 1:52PM
RE: Paragraphs on the message board by exidor455 Created on Sep 5 2014 10:47AM
Paragraphs on the message board by LesLes Created on Sep 5 2014 4:24AM
RE: I have returned, maybe by LesLes Created on Sep 5 2014 4:22AM
    

Addventure

RE: (Porn Star) SSSL by CorruptionCentral Created on Sep 15 2014 3:36PM
(Porn Star) SSSL by CJ Created on Sep 15 2014 12:13PM
RE: Behemoth Issues by aspiringactor Created on Sep 14 2014 8:10PM
RE: Behemoth Issues by aspiringactor Created on Sep 14 2014 8:10PM
RE: Behemoth Issues by Gorel Created on Sep 14 2014 7:35PM
RE: Behemoth Issues by aspiringactor Created on Sep 14 2014 7:14PM
RE: I need some editors here. Anyone willing to help by gothamalleyviper Created on Sep 13 2014 1:43PM
I need some editors here. Anyone willing to help by Evva Created on Sep 13 2014 10:07AM
RE: Behemoth Issues by aspiringactor Created on Sep 12 2014 7:31PM
RE: Behemoth Issues by Gorel Created on Sep 12 2014 4:04PM
    

Stories

RE: Can anyone toss me some ideas? by XFAN Created on Sep 15 2014 5:16PM
RE: Can anyone toss me some ideas? by C.King Created on Sep 14 2014 9:38PM
Can anyone toss me some ideas? by gothamalleyviper Created on Sep 14 2014 9:07PM
RE: Weird Idea that has been in the back of my head for a while by gothamalleyviper Created on Sep 7 2014 5:29PM
RE: Weird Idea that has been in the back of my head for a while by CorruptionCentral Created on Sep 7 2014 4:40PM
RE: Weird Idea that has been in the back of my head for a while by C.King Created on Sep 7 2014 3:46PM
Weird Idea that has been in the back of my head for a while by gothamalleyviper Created on Sep 7 2014 3:41PM
Completely silly by gothamalleyviper Created on Aug 25 2014 5:51PM
RE: C.King resent works by gothamalleyviper Created on Jun 26 2014 9:19PM
RE: C.King resent works by gothamalleyviper Created on Jun 26 2014 9:14PM
    

SuperStories Wall


gothamalleyviper - 9/14/2014 9:09 PM
Anyone want to toss me some help with a book length project over on message board?
aspiringactor - 9/14/2014 6:03 AM
swoldrepublic, there's no content in the chapter you just posted.
Evva - 9/14/2014 12:05 AM
You can try talk at the board
YoukoTaichou - 9/12/2014 11:57 PM
I'm always interested in a good LiaG story. Where do I go to talk?
aspiringactor - 9/12/2014 4:02 AM
Okay.
Gorel - 9/11/2014 9:26 PM
Hey Aspiringactor if you wanna brainstorm I'd be happy.
gothamalleyviper - 9/11/2014 8:57 PM
Will do an Alter ID chapter tomorrow evening and probably another Rubber Queen, If I can an MJ black Bat
C.King - 9/10/2014 9:01 PM
Message board for Life is a Game: The Addventure versions.
Grimmer - 9/10/2014 8:49 PM
Not that familiar with the premise and I'm not a Buffy fan but I'm game for whatever you write but for this, maybe have an option for DC or a mixed Marvel/DC verse?
C.King - 9/10/2014 8:22 PM
Question: Anyone interested in a Life is a Game storyline. I have a few story examples if interested. Including a perverted universe, Perverse version of Buffy starring Xander.



You must be a member to post to the wall