Sooo need help...please read!!!

by lafemmenikki88 - 12/7/2013 3:49 AM

This is based on Mannequin Two the movie.


_So this version opens in Renaissance Italy, with the Venetian princess just receiving news that she is to marry a prince from a distant land she's never heard of .. to which she immediately objects to. Perhaps, however, the most devastating part of the situation is that the princess has been secretly having a tryst with her handmaiden an they will no longer be together. Desperate to find a away out of the situation, the princess and her handmaiden visit a sorcerer that night who they believe will have  a solution. 

He gives the princess a small potion in a vial that he instructs  her to take right then and there. However, the potion changes the princess into a mannequin and the sorcerer reveals himself to have been disguised as the prince. Since the princess had already objected to the marriage he gave her the potion to transform into an object he could have forever. The maid of course is devastated and heartbroken and flees the kingdom, resigning from her position as a handmaiden and vowing to never love again. Instead resigns herself to having affairs with wealthy noblemen as a means of gaining power and money, in hopes of moving up the class hierarchy.  Although she lives out the rest of her life as only a wealthy courtesan (lady of the evening), her descendants continue to move up the social ladder, including her reincarnated form who is now the manager of a major new department store. 

The young female manager has thus far had terrble luck with love but wonderful  success in business. One night while setting up a display she encounters the princess in her plastic form and inadvertently brings her to life. Although her memory is fuzzy, the princess recognizes her former lover and the manager hires her as her assistant.  However, unbeknownst to both girls, the sorcerer has been reincarnate into the department store owner who has create the store to become reunited with his mannequin, and is willing to use blackmail on his new manager to get it back.

So any ideas how to get started? Or feedback?


RE: Sooo need help...please read!!!

by LesLes - 12/7/2013 4:47 PM

Well, you had me at star-crossed lesbian lovers destined to meet again (but unfortunately I haven't seen Mannequin 2). That said it's not entirely clear to me what you're asking. If you're planning on writing this as a first chapter for Addventure then I'd suggest the first thing to do is write it as a story instead of a summary. Sorry, I know that's probably obvious!

So, something like...

Princess Justina carefully broke the red wax seal on the parchment. Her father was away and so the duty of running his affairs and receiving his orders, such as these, fell upon her pale feminine shoulders. It would be rather easier to concentrate on such matters if her handmaiden Gessica was not decorating those same shoulders with soft slow kisses.

Night had fallen and the princess's elegant bedroom was illuminated by soft lantern light and the flickering brighter light of the candles upon her richly laquered desk. It was not unusual or strange in Venice that a handmaiden should undo the silken ribbons of her mistress's corset to let her breathe more easily and prepare her for her nightclothes. Behind these doors, at this hour, it was no longer unusual for the unclothed and unashamed handmaiden to lovingly carress the smooth skin each untied corset ribbon revealed.

Gessica pulled the stiff corset away and shivered with anticipation. What she was about to do was forbidden by words of clergy and law and yet it made her heart sore with pleasure and love, as she knew it did the Lady Justina. Her arms slipped forward to envelope her lady in an unchaste embrace, her mouth nuzzling at aristocratic earlobes and her hands settling upon perfect breasts.

Princess Justina gasped in familiar pleasure and leaned her weight back against her beloved servant. But then Gessica felt her lady stiffen and there came a second gasp, not of pleasure but of surprise and fear.

"Marriage."

It was spoken like the judge issues sentence, like the word 'condemned'. The parchment carrying the heavy sentence slipped from the Lady Justina's suddenly clumsy fingers.

etc. etc.

Secondly you need to write for your audience. This is superstories and there is a presumption that your story will involve familiar superheroes. You're more likely to get a response if you can blend them in. I believe a magical necklace is involved? Perhaps Catwoman or Black Cat attempt to steal it. Perhaps Dr Strange or Zatanna investigate it or sense when the curse is broken. 

If you're willing to change your story more then perhaps the Venetian lovers have themselves been reincarnated as superheroines. Perhaps the department store is a front for the Hellfire Club and the owner is Emma Frost or Selene. Being the White and Black Queen's respectively that gives you a little monarchy and some titles to play around with!

Romance isn't dead, but round here you might want to think about how your story can make it easy to fit in lots of superheroine sex! Maybe it's a property of the necklace, maybe it's the way of permanently ending the curse.

Next it's worth thinking about how your chapter ends. It needs to have three or four options that are all different and valid ways for the story to go.

Just some quickly dashed off thoughts. Is any of that helpful?

(An unnecessarily pedantic historical note: Venice never had princesses, in the Renaissance it was ruled by a Doge who was elected by the city's aristocracy - who were also the city-state's powerful merchants - from within the aristocracy and who served for life. His sons didn't inherit the title unless one was elected to it.)


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RE: Idea: Sex of Redemption or Corruption by gothamalleyviper Created on Sep 3 2015 10:54AM
RE: Idea: Sex of Redemption or Corruption by C.King Created on Sep 1 2015 5:47PM
RE: Idea: Sex of Redemption or Corruption by LesLes Created on Sep 1 2015 4:35PM
RE: Idea: Sex of Redemption or Corruption by gothamalleyviper Created on Sep 1 2015 12:02AM
RE: Idea: Sex of Redemption or Corruption by C.King Created on Aug 29 2015 6:05PM
RE: Idea: Sex of Redemption or Corruption by gothamalleyviper Created on Aug 29 2015 5:00PM
RE: Idea: Sex of Redemption or Corruption by C.King Created on Aug 29 2015 4:45PM
RE: Idea: Sex of Redemption or Corruption by C.King Created on Aug 29 2015 4:44PM
RE: Idea: Sex of Redemption or Corruption by gothamalleyviper Created on Aug 29 2015 3:49PM
RE: Idea: Sex of Redemption or Corruption by C.King Created on Aug 29 2015 3:13PM
    

Addventure

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RE: Gotham City Sirens by LesLes Created on Aug 31 2015 2:08PM
RE: Gotham City Sirens by Grimmer Created on Aug 29 2015 6:25PM
RE: Gotham City Sirens by LesLes Created on Aug 29 2015 6:21PM
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Stories

RE: Rubber Queen or is there a Doctor in the Fish? by ESchorcho Created on Aug 26 2015 10:18PM
RE: Rubber Queen or is there a Doctor in the Fish? by gothamalleyviper Created on Aug 24 2015 5:22PM
RE: Rubber Queen or is there a Doctor in the Fish? by ESchorcho Created on Aug 7 2015 3:44PM
RE: Rubber Queen or is there a Doctor in the Fish? by ESchorcho Created on Jul 24 2015 8:00AM
RE: Rubber Queen or is there a Doctor in the Fish? by gothamalleyviper Created on Jul 23 2015 8:45PM
RE: Rubber Queen or is there a Doctor in the Fish? by ESchorcho Created on Jul 23 2015 7:58PM
RE: Rubber Queen or is there a Doctor in the Fish? by gothamalleyviper Created on Jul 23 2015 5:58PM
RE: Rubber Queen or is there a Doctor in the Fish? by ESchorcho Created on Jul 22 2015 10:04AM
RE: Rubber Queen or is there a Doctor in the Fish? by gothamalleyviper Created on Jul 18 2015 11:22PM
RE: Rubber Queen or is there a Doctor in the Fish? by ESchorcho Created on Jul 14 2015 10:09PM
    

SuperStories Wall


Fanfic Fetishist - 9/2/2015 10:50 PM
Note that in my version of Proxy Conquerers, for the first chapter, the chosen proxy will wake up unaware of the changes, still remembering the old world.
LesLes - 8/31/2015 1:41 PM
Yes, and I don't know any way to fix it :-( Hopefully @superstories can delete the bad entry?
colleem - 8/31/2015 1:39 PM
I think this went wrong lesles :)
C.King - 8/29/2015 12:10 PM
Two ideas posted in Boards. One on Addvenure and on by accident on site.
gothamalleyviper - 8/28/2015 10:09 PM
I couldn't decide so I did both. Let me know what people think. And feel free to use either or both...
JimmyKasche - 8/28/2015 4:53 PM
I like the sound of Pink Bat personally... though Batgirl is one letter off from Badgirl... just saying <-< >->
wfx - 8/26/2015 9:18 PM
First off, thanks LesLes. High praise from you. Viper, I actually have no idea what might happen to Babs (I at least have ideas for the others), so more than feel free to run with whatever you have. I'll be glad to see it.
gothamalleyviper - 8/26/2015 5:09 PM
So Wonder Woman with a Flip, I had an idea for Barbara (no latex involved) and I just saw a Halloween costume at the store that has me rethinking it. So Pink Bat or Black Cop?
ESchorcho - 8/25/2015 10:30 AM
Great Rubber Queen chapter, GAV!
Dark Z - 8/25/2015 6:37 AM
Awesome chapters, especially the reign of the rubber queen



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