Sooo need help...please read!!!

by lafemmenikki88 - 12/7/2013 3:49 AM

This is based on Mannequin Two the movie.


_So this version opens in Renaissance Italy, with the Venetian princess just receiving news that she is to marry a prince from a distant land she's never heard of .. to which she immediately objects to. Perhaps, however, the most devastating part of the situation is that the princess has been secretly having a tryst with her handmaiden an they will no longer be together. Desperate to find a away out of the situation, the princess and her handmaiden visit a sorcerer that night who they believe will have  a solution. 

He gives the princess a small potion in a vial that he instructs  her to take right then and there. However, the potion changes the princess into a mannequin and the sorcerer reveals himself to have been disguised as the prince. Since the princess had already objected to the marriage he gave her the potion to transform into an object he could have forever. The maid of course is devastated and heartbroken and flees the kingdom, resigning from her position as a handmaiden and vowing to never love again. Instead resigns herself to having affairs with wealthy noblemen as a means of gaining power and money, in hopes of moving up the class hierarchy.  Although she lives out the rest of her life as only a wealthy courtesan (lady of the evening), her descendants continue to move up the social ladder, including her reincarnated form who is now the manager of a major new department store. 

The young female manager has thus far had terrble luck with love but wonderful  success in business. One night while setting up a display she encounters the princess in her plastic form and inadvertently brings her to life. Although her memory is fuzzy, the princess recognizes her former lover and the manager hires her as her assistant.  However, unbeknownst to both girls, the sorcerer has been reincarnate into the department store owner who has create the store to become reunited with his mannequin, and is willing to use blackmail on his new manager to get it back.

So any ideas how to get started? Or feedback?


RE: Sooo need help...please read!!!

by LesLes - 12/7/2013 4:47 PM

Well, you had me at star-crossed lesbian lovers destined to meet again (but unfortunately I haven't seen Mannequin 2). That said it's not entirely clear to me what you're asking. If you're planning on writing this as a first chapter for Addventure then I'd suggest the first thing to do is write it as a story instead of a summary. Sorry, I know that's probably obvious!

So, something like...

Princess Justina carefully broke the red wax seal on the parchment. Her father was away and so the duty of running his affairs and receiving his orders, such as these, fell upon her pale feminine shoulders. It would be rather easier to concentrate on such matters if her handmaiden Gessica was not decorating those same shoulders with soft slow kisses.

Night had fallen and the princess's elegant bedroom was illuminated by soft lantern light and the flickering brighter light of the candles upon her richly laquered desk. It was not unusual or strange in Venice that a handmaiden should undo the silken ribbons of her mistress's corset to let her breathe more easily and prepare her for her nightclothes. Behind these doors, at this hour, it was no longer unusual for the unclothed and unashamed handmaiden to lovingly carress the smooth skin each untied corset ribbon revealed.

Gessica pulled the stiff corset away and shivered with anticipation. What she was about to do was forbidden by words of clergy and law and yet it made her heart sore with pleasure and love, as she knew it did the Lady Justina. Her arms slipped forward to envelope her lady in an unchaste embrace, her mouth nuzzling at aristocratic earlobes and her hands settling upon perfect breasts.

Princess Justina gasped in familiar pleasure and leaned her weight back against her beloved servant. But then Gessica felt her lady stiffen and there came a second gasp, not of pleasure but of surprise and fear.

"Marriage."

It was spoken like the judge issues sentence, like the word 'condemned'. The parchment carrying the heavy sentence slipped from the Lady Justina's suddenly clumsy fingers.

etc. etc.

Secondly you need to write for your audience. This is superstories and there is a presumption that your story will involve familiar superheroes. You're more likely to get a response if you can blend them in. I believe a magical necklace is involved? Perhaps Catwoman or Black Cat attempt to steal it. Perhaps Dr Strange or Zatanna investigate it or sense when the curse is broken. 

If you're willing to change your story more then perhaps the Venetian lovers have themselves been reincarnated as superheroines. Perhaps the department store is a front for the Hellfire Club and the owner is Emma Frost or Selene. Being the White and Black Queen's respectively that gives you a little monarchy and some titles to play around with!

Romance isn't dead, but round here you might want to think about how your story can make it easy to fit in lots of superheroine sex! Maybe it's a property of the necklace, maybe it's the way of permanently ending the curse.

Next it's worth thinking about how your chapter ends. It needs to have three or four options that are all different and valid ways for the story to go.

Just some quickly dashed off thoughts. Is any of that helpful?

(An unnecessarily pedantic historical note: Venice never had princesses, in the Renaissance it was ruled by a Doge who was elected by the city's aristocracy - who were also the city-state's powerful merchants - from within the aristocracy and who served for life. His sons didn't inherit the title unless one was elected to it.)


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SuperStories Wall


solddate - 7/28/2014 9:05 AM
>Blue Man - Always nice to see Harley having a positive effect on writing trends. Very nice work, btw.
LesLes - 7/27/2014 4:11 PM
Wow, @Blue_man, so good and so hot! Loved the way you gave the sorceress some personality and her nice mummudrai surprise! And now I need your Tumblr recs ;)
gothamalleyviper - 7/27/2014 1:02 PM
@Colleem, put it in Message board and I will post any thoughts for you.
LesLes - 7/27/2014 12:23 PM
@colleem: post it on the messageboard and I'm sure someone will take a look?
colleem - 7/27/2014 10:09 AM

colleem - 7/27/2014 3:58 AM
Would someone be so kind and look over my chapter? Will write one soon but english isnt my native
ESchorcho - 7/23/2014 3:19 PM
Great chapter, MacroLass. Thanks for adding. Check the message board.
MacroLass - 7/23/2014 12:42 PM
Ask and ye shall receive. I just wrote a new chapter.
ESchorcho - 7/23/2014 11:46 AM
MacroLass, are you interested in continuing the X-Men Stepford storyline? Was just wondering where you were going to go with the Gambit part.
exidor455 - 7/23/2014 10:09 AM
Thanks ESchorcho! Feel free to chip in with any ideas and/or chapters! :)



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