Sooo need help...please read!!!

by lafemmenikki88 - 12/7/2013 3:49 AM

This is based on Mannequin Two the movie.


_So this version opens in Renaissance Italy, with the Venetian princess just receiving news that she is to marry a prince from a distant land she's never heard of .. to which she immediately objects to. Perhaps, however, the most devastating part of the situation is that the princess has been secretly having a tryst with her handmaiden an they will no longer be together. Desperate to find a away out of the situation, the princess and her handmaiden visit a sorcerer that night who they believe will have  a solution. 

He gives the princess a small potion in a vial that he instructs  her to take right then and there. However, the potion changes the princess into a mannequin and the sorcerer reveals himself to have been disguised as the prince. Since the princess had already objected to the marriage he gave her the potion to transform into an object he could have forever. The maid of course is devastated and heartbroken and flees the kingdom, resigning from her position as a handmaiden and vowing to never love again. Instead resigns herself to having affairs with wealthy noblemen as a means of gaining power and money, in hopes of moving up the class hierarchy.  Although she lives out the rest of her life as only a wealthy courtesan (lady of the evening), her descendants continue to move up the social ladder, including her reincarnated form who is now the manager of a major new department store. 

The young female manager has thus far had terrble luck with love but wonderful  success in business. One night while setting up a display she encounters the princess in her plastic form and inadvertently brings her to life. Although her memory is fuzzy, the princess recognizes her former lover and the manager hires her as her assistant.  However, unbeknownst to both girls, the sorcerer has been reincarnate into the department store owner who has create the store to become reunited with his mannequin, and is willing to use blackmail on his new manager to get it back.

So any ideas how to get started? Or feedback?


RE: Sooo need help...please read!!!

by LesLes - 12/7/2013 4:47 PM

Well, you had me at star-crossed lesbian lovers destined to meet again (but unfortunately I haven't seen Mannequin 2). That said it's not entirely clear to me what you're asking. If you're planning on writing this as a first chapter for Addventure then I'd suggest the first thing to do is write it as a story instead of a summary. Sorry, I know that's probably obvious!

So, something like...

Princess Justina carefully broke the red wax seal on the parchment. Her father was away and so the duty of running his affairs and receiving his orders, such as these, fell upon her pale feminine shoulders. It would be rather easier to concentrate on such matters if her handmaiden Gessica was not decorating those same shoulders with soft slow kisses.

Night had fallen and the princess's elegant bedroom was illuminated by soft lantern light and the flickering brighter light of the candles upon her richly laquered desk. It was not unusual or strange in Venice that a handmaiden should undo the silken ribbons of her mistress's corset to let her breathe more easily and prepare her for her nightclothes. Behind these doors, at this hour, it was no longer unusual for the unclothed and unashamed handmaiden to lovingly carress the smooth skin each untied corset ribbon revealed.

Gessica pulled the stiff corset away and shivered with anticipation. What she was about to do was forbidden by words of clergy and law and yet it made her heart sore with pleasure and love, as she knew it did the Lady Justina. Her arms slipped forward to envelope her lady in an unchaste embrace, her mouth nuzzling at aristocratic earlobes and her hands settling upon perfect breasts.

Princess Justina gasped in familiar pleasure and leaned her weight back against her beloved servant. But then Gessica felt her lady stiffen and there came a second gasp, not of pleasure but of surprise and fear.

"Marriage."

It was spoken like the judge issues sentence, like the word 'condemned'. The parchment carrying the heavy sentence slipped from the Lady Justina's suddenly clumsy fingers.

etc. etc.

Secondly you need to write for your audience. This is superstories and there is a presumption that your story will involve familiar superheroes. You're more likely to get a response if you can blend them in. I believe a magical necklace is involved? Perhaps Catwoman or Black Cat attempt to steal it. Perhaps Dr Strange or Zatanna investigate it or sense when the curse is broken. 

If you're willing to change your story more then perhaps the Venetian lovers have themselves been reincarnated as superheroines. Perhaps the department store is a front for the Hellfire Club and the owner is Emma Frost or Selene. Being the White and Black Queen's respectively that gives you a little monarchy and some titles to play around with!

Romance isn't dead, but round here you might want to think about how your story can make it easy to fit in lots of superheroine sex! Maybe it's a property of the necklace, maybe it's the way of permanently ending the curse.

Next it's worth thinking about how your chapter ends. It needs to have three or four options that are all different and valid ways for the story to go.

Just some quickly dashed off thoughts. Is any of that helpful?

(An unnecessarily pedantic historical note: Venice never had princesses, in the Renaissance it was ruled by a Doge who was elected by the city's aristocracy - who were also the city-state's powerful merchants - from within the aristocracy and who served for life. His sons didn't inherit the title unless one was elected to it.)


In Progress

Search subject of article for the word:
Search for articles by:


Search Results



Site

RE: Furry invasion inspiration by gothamalleyviper Created on Mar 11 2017 9:43AM
RE: Furry invasion inspiration by Gorel Created on Mar 10 2017 10:14PM
RE: Furry invasion inspiration by Gorel Created on Mar 6 2017 4:10PM
RE: Furry invasion inspiration by Gorel Created on Mar 4 2017 9:51PM
RE: Furry invasion inspiration by gothamalleyviper Created on Mar 4 2017 9:49PM
RE: Furry invasion inspiration by Gorel Created on Mar 3 2017 2:29PM
RE: Furry invasion inspiration by C.King Created on Mar 2 2017 3:32PM
RE: Furry invasion inspiration by Gorel Created on Mar 2 2017 1:58PM
Achilles by Roadlthrs2000 Created on Mar 2 2017 12:59AM
RE: Furry invasion inspiration by Gorel Created on Mar 1 2017 1:24PM
    

Addventure

RE: Harem App by gothamalleyviper Created on Mar 25 2017 6:33PM
RE: Harem App by C.King Created on Mar 25 2017 5:56PM
RE: Harem App by gothamalleyviper Created on Mar 25 2017 5:27PM
RE: Pink Lanterns by Yang Xiao Long Created on Mar 24 2017 5:13PM
RE: Harem App by C.King Created on Mar 24 2017 10:07AM
RE: Harem App by gothamalleyviper Created on Mar 24 2017 9:53AM
RE: Pink Lanterns by Darth Elsa Created on Mar 21 2017 3:42PM
Pink Lanterns by Yang Xiao Long Created on Mar 21 2017 12:02AM
RE: Harem App by gothamalleyviper Created on Mar 11 2017 6:39PM
Harem App by Fanfic Fetishist Created on Mar 11 2017 1:24PM
    

Stories

RE: Holiday love slaves by JimmyKasche Created on Mar 22 2017 5:08PM
RE: Holiday love slaves by JimmyKasche Created on Mar 22 2017 2:23PM
RE: Masterplan by colleem Created on Mar 19 2017 3:12AM
RE: Masterplan by Solarsearcher Created on Mar 18 2017 10:45AM
RE: Masterplan by colleem Created on Mar 18 2017 3:42AM
RE: Holiday love slaves by JimmyKasche Created on Mar 16 2017 4:37PM
RE: Masterplan by Solarsearcher Created on Mar 16 2017 4:31PM
RE: Masterplan by colleem Created on Mar 16 2017 4:23PM
RE: Masterplan by Solarsearcher Created on Mar 16 2017 4:22PM
RE: Masterplan by colleem Created on Mar 15 2017 11:23PM
    

SuperStories Wall


gothamalleyviper - 3/25/2017 5:28 PM
Another Crank post on the Forums, let me know what people think.
Darth Elsa - 3/24/2017 10:01 PM
Working on a Pink lantern chapter, should be up by midnight.
Darth Elsa - 3/24/2017 12:37 PM
Wasp could be good for the harem. She could be her master's consultant on designs for sexy outfits
gothamalleyviper - 3/24/2017 9:38 AM
C.King meet me over in the forum have ideas and questions. If anyone else has ideas for Harem App please post your thoughts too.
C.King - 3/23/2017 6:42 PM
He would also think of tactical options of the hottest women. He has a psionic, he might want others. Like a mage, a strong woman, a speedster, etc.
C.King - 3/23/2017 6:32 PM
Depends if someone finds out. If not, I would make him hesitate from using it one real people. Maybe more marvel, or even other shows/anime/video games/etc.
gothamalleyviper - 3/23/2017 6:17 PM
So after Tim bangs Emma like a marching band at a drum battle, what should his next course of action be?
C.King - 3/23/2017 5:46 PM
Interesting episode, GAV. Not sure what I can do with them.
gothamalleyviper - 3/23/2017 5:42 PM
Any feed back helps.
C.King - 3/23/2017 3:57 PM
It's a joke from another forum. The answer being all things end in sex.



You must be a member to post to the wall