by No one important - 9/13/2012 12:14 PM
It has the possibility of being an interesting storyline but the set up you posted feels too generic.
Maybe give it a rewrite where you give some descriptions of the Gorminati themselves, ie: humans, lizards, amorphous blobs. Also consider giving an example of how someone's mind goes thru the enslavement. An example of how that conversion could end would
be that they know that they have a master and want to serve that master but in their mind's eye it's just a shadowy figure just out of sight. Thus giving reason for the 'slave at first sight' set up you're using.
If done properly, you wouldn't even have to give specifics on who that person is and let you keep the multi-universe branching options you have on the first page.